I Will Survive in Just A Day In The Life

My new anthem is “I will survive” by Gloria Gaynor.

That song brings me so much strength. gotta love the power of music!

As much strength as that song brings me I still feel like I’ve been broken into a thousand pieces that are scattered all over the floor. My room is a mess and I can’t bring myself to clean it… I haven’t been able to eat much either, which I know is unhealthy but I physically get sick if I force myself to eat. Not eating makes me tired and I am already tired from being depressed. I am living in a vicious unproductive cycle and I can’t really help it. Some days are better than others but most aren’t good.

I cry in the shower most nights.

The worst part is that I miss him and I hate that I miss this person who lied, cheated, and still hasn’t returned my money. I hate that I still love him.

I am still mourning the future I thought we were going to live together. I know in time I will be able to pick myself back up and continue on but for right now I am struggling and I will probably struggle for a while. Not to be too dramatic but I really do understand how Bella acted when Edward left her… I don’t enjoy the majority of music anymore, I can’t eat, sleeping is a literal nightmare, I force myself to dance but it doesn’t feel the same.

I will survive.