High Road in First entry

Last night I received a text from my Ex’s employer. It congratulated me.for the new baby....Awkward. I’m not going to lie, I spend a considerable amount of time imagining how it would feel to just say “Hi, #&</ this is %/$^/×#’s husband. I believe this message would be better served if it was sent to her. It’s not my baby.” Oh man, I was just imagining what it would be like to be petty. I even went and thought of really petty and wrong things to say. I’ve honestly tried to take the high road throughout this, but occasionally I do allow myself to imagine what it would be like to dabble in some pettiness. Ultimately, I decided to take a screen shot, sent it to her and I said “Hi %/$^/×#, your boss sent me a congratulations for your baby. Could you please update your work contact information? Thanks.” Nothing more, nothing less. Part of me hope it made her think of how I could have responded. How, if her employer doesn’t know about everything, I could have easily responded in a very negative way and put her on blast. But no, I didn’t I chose to take the high road. It’s weird that part of me feels like a coward for not taking the leap. For not doing to her, what she has been doing to me. Except my response would have been factual. On the other hand, I’m also pround.that I have endured this trial and performed better than what the majority of people would be able to do. That’s not arrogance, that’s fact. I would challenge almost anyone to live it and see. It’s been hell.

I had a friend the other night that had to write a contentious email about their child. They told.me.the situation and we talked about how they would address it. I provided my wording and they were amazed. I just tried to phrase it as saying this is what I was told, I’m not exactly sure if that’s the actual full story and then I sought clarification. It’s a basic structure I use. I feel I have learned how to try my.best not to put things in a way that comes off as accusatory. I will go through great lengths to word it as perfect as I can. Oddly, I find it as a fairly therapeutic exercise.

I’m interested in what the baby’s last name is. In our state, the husband is automatically assumed to be the father. Is my name on the birth certificate? My research says that’s how it’s normally done. It’s fairly moot point. Just an interesting concept. I’m still sorting through my feeling on it. I’m sad because I just want to hold it and play with it. It’s a baby. I love babies. I think back to 2018 when we were trying to have another child. We stopped after 2 months because my ex came crying to me that she didn’t think that she could continue because she needed to go back on her medication. Ahh memories. I see now it was a blessing that we didn’t have another. My two are enough.

Ill keep processing everything. Working towards feeling normal again. Time, everything just takes time. So much time. That’s something ill.never get back. 16 years…just wasted. So much hell. I think that I am more sad that I invested that much time effort and energy into our family, only to have it ripped apart. This is where I always end up. Just wondering why.