Worst Monday In a Long While in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

I got blindsided by news I should have expected. A VERY harsh reminder of how my own bad decisions, and sacrificing friendships and relationships over really stupid reasons has left me in a position where the things I want most in life are, at this point, incredibly unlikely. Followed by stupidity of a 4 day fiasco with my ISP that resulted in me closing my account, getting service with another provider, picking up their equipment to install myself, then coming home to find out the original ISP fixed the problem instead of cancelling my account. Today can go straight to hell.
I’ll either expand on this, or start a new entry, but right now, I’m just too.... i dunno.... to write a proper entry. Plus, I’m starting to get really worried about J. Haven’t heard from her in far too long.