Secret Love? in Just A Day In The Life

How are you supposed to respond to someone confessing their undying love for you out of the blue? Asking for a friend…

Soooooooooooo. This weekend was interesting, to say the least. A couple of weeks ago I went dancing and ran into this man that I’ve been friends with for a year but lost touch when Covid happened. He would flirt with me and I would usually brush it off like I do when men flirt with me not thinking anything of it. Not to sound conceited but men flirting with me is a pretty constant occurrence. Anyway, right before covid hit he had legitimately asked me on a date but at that point, I had just committed to being in a relationship with a guy I had started seeing (I thought he would finally be the one… WRONG) and I turned him down (Bad timing). So when we ran into each other again, the fact that I turned him down came up. I told him that that relationship was unfortunately short-lived and he asked if we could exchange numbers. The issue was that neither of us had our phones and in a mix up we ended up leaving that night without exchanging info.

This Saturday I went dancing and we ran into each other again. I was determined to make sure we exchanged information this time although I was a little scared of him (not in a bad way). Let’s call him Jackson. Jackson is an outwardly intimidating man. He is 6 feet 2 inches tall, definitely a little over 200 lbs, Mixed race (black and Colombian), covered in tattoos (all the way up to his neck to his jawline), with dark eyes, a warm laugh, and a soft smile. He ended up asking me to drive him home so he could have an opportunity to talk with me a little while longer.

While I drove and he directed me he was quick to get to the point of asking me very direct questions about myself. What I did for work, My relationship with my family, What do I do in my free time, etc. I am usually very good at reading people and I could tell something was going on below the surface. He asked me how old I was and my response caught him off guard. I am 24 turning 25 this year and he is 35… At acquiring this knowledge he almost fully spiraled. This caught ME off guard. His reaction didn’t make sense to me until he finally blurted out that he had been thinking about me since the day he laid eyes on me and that he didn’t realize I was so young.

UNDERSTANDABLE.

We finally got to his house. Me a little stunned by what he had just said to me and him attempting to recover from his seemingly accidental overshare. He leaned over and quickly kissed me. I didn’t mind. He sat and what I can only assume was him struggling with his conscience over the 11 year age gap between us. Finally, he asked if I would come in and talk with him for a little while so that he could figure out where he wanted to go from there. I agreed, intrigued by his previous veracious outburst. This is not the first time I have caused a man to question his morals.

We went inside and sat on his sofa, staring at each other in silence for a moment. finally, he spoke. He had a “fuck it” moment and continued his proclamation to me. I listened carefully as he told me about his feelings for me and how he couldn’t figure out why he felt so strongly for me without even really knowing me. We ended up kissing for a while and I couldn’t help but feel the attraction too. It’s that feeling of kissing someone and never feeling like you can get close enough to them.

We decided to get together again yesterday. I spent almost all day with him and ended up spending the night. I felt what he was trying to explain to me that first night. An unexplainable feeling of closeness. We’re both very direct people and we are able to tell each other things that wouldn’t normally be shared so soon or ever for that matter. A vulnerability that I haven’t had in a very very long time. It’s terrifying.

He is very sure of what he wants and he is convinced that it is me. I am not so quick to give in. It takes me a while to give myself to someone. He is frustrated that I am not as eager to give myself to him as he is to give himself to me. Although he is frustrated he has never made me feel pressured or coerced. I do appreciate how brutally honest he has been with me about how he feels. It’s extremely refreshing to have a man tell you exactly how he feels about you.

This is all happening very fast and I don’t know how to feel. I do really like him and we have amazing chemistry but I can’t help but want to slow us down a little bit. There is a lot going through my head and I need more time to process my emotions. At the same time, I can’t stop thinking about him and being with him and around him. I feel like an absolute crazy person. How do I explain this to my family that I live with? Would my mother approve? Does it matter if my mother approves? I should just live my life the way I want to, not thinking about what others think I should do. Is this feeling I have for this man real? have I just been swept away by the newness? He REALLY likes me and I’m scared I might break his heart if I end up not actually feeling this way… Holy shit dude. What do I do?

Last updated February 17, 2021