Change One Thing: Star Trek V: The Final Frontier in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

As per my previous entry, I unironically love Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. I considered writing just why I love it, but eh, 90% of you won’t be interested. So instead, I’m going to do a writing exercise called “Change One Thing.” It’s where you take a work of media and change ONE thing. And postulate what would happen.

As you 10% know, after Kirk SAVED EARTH in the previous movie, he was “punished” by being demoted to Captain, and GIVEN COMMAND OF A STARSHIP. At the time, it was seen as a reward, in a way. But, in Final Frontier, it was a backhanded compliment, as this “new” Enterprise is a USELESS BUCKET OF BOLTS. Might as well have given him command of a shipping freighter.

Wait, wait, I meant that will all due respect, Captain Kasidy Yates!

So, as you know, there’s an EMERGENCY SITUATION in the Neutral Zone. And they need Captain Kirk to mediate! Now, if only there was another ship that was around that was in full functioning order…

The one change: Kirk takes temporary command of Excelsior.

It flows from there.

It’s common knowledge among Trekkies that Sulu was supposed to get command of his own ship in Star Trek II. His wanting Excelsior is hinted in Star Trek III. Captain Sulu is aboard Excelsior, with Cmdr Chekov as his XO. Kirk is temporarily transfered to Excelsior - naturally he takes Spock as his XO, and Bones as his CMO. Sulu and Chekov get temporarily transferred to Enterprise.

Sulu is rightfully PISSED. Scotty is still fixing the Enterprise and tries to console Sulu.

“Aye laddie, I know you had your heart set on the Excelsior. But you’ll get your ship back. It’s Jim in command.”

“I know that, Scotty…”

“Jim will get your ship home.”

Sulu will pound his fist. “MY SHIP. MY CREW.”

Sulu catches his breath. “Mr. Scott, you served on the Excelsior shortly. Did that feel like your engine room?”

Scotty nods knowingly, “All I wanted was to come back to MY engine room. I promise I didn’t break anything that couldn’t be fixed to your ship, Captain!”

Sulu grins, “Then you understand. I trust Jim Kirk, but that’s not his crew over there. He might need help.”

Scotty says, “I’ll do the best I can, but we have under a skeleton crew aboard, Sir.”

Sulu pauses. “Chekov, Uhura, it’s time to call in some favors.”

Oh, favors? Gotcha covered. Chekov served as first officer of the late USS Reliant in STII. After the Enterprise rescued them, don’t you think they’d feel a sense of debt that their first officer came back for them? As for Uhura, it would be HYSTERICAL to see Mr. Adventure being bossed around by her. He’d be happy just to get out of the “hind end of space” to aid his hero, Kirk.

Gosh, that’s hysterical in my head. Him being all flustered, “Uh, uh, ma’am, yes, ma’am!”

And she’d grin, “Don’t make me put you in the closet again.”

He’d gulp, “Understood, ma’am!”

Sulu might quip, “I don’t recall giving you an order to enjoy yourself, Commander.”

She might reply, “Oh, and in all of that five year mission, how many times did I sit in the big chair?” Sulu smiles and nods. She replies confidently, “That’s what I thought.”

(Of course, even if you count the animated series, the statement STILL is valid. See: The Lorelei Signal.)

With some crew loyal to the senior staff, and Chekov helping out in engineering and various places, they race to get the Enterprise into shape. (Remember, Chekov is the only character in TOS to take the Science position in lieu of Spock. And in future canon, Chekov becomes Chief Engineer.)

There’s an emboldened speech by Sulu to the Admiralty. He remarks that he’s disobeyed orders before, stolen the Enteprise before, and he’ll do it again, but he WANTS that order. He remarks about how it’s HIS ship out there, but more importantly, expounds his loyalty to HIS crew. They say they’ll “think about it” and leave it in limbo.

This arc is then not seen for a long segment of the movie, letting the watcher kind of forget about it a little. Naturally, the Enterprise saves the day. Kirk and Sulu shake hands, and go to their respective ships.

Oh, who would blow Kirk, Spock, and McCoy out of jail? That’s easy: Ensign Ricky. After some dialogue, Ensign Ricky would say, “Anything for the Captain of the Enterprise, Sir.” Remember: They’re on Excelsior. It’s simply that Kirk’s reputation proceeds him.

…It’s the only picture that would load. I uh. Well. Um. Could be Ensign Ricki instead, um…

::.clears throat ::

Anyway, I think that covers it. Hope I tickled that brain noodle of yours.