Ain't nothing more tragic than a sad queen in The beginning

I do have nostalgia for my life back in university, in medical school. It seemed like everything was impossible but I got through it, one painful step at a time, I got through it. My exams, the breakups, the depression, the emotional trauma. I thrived. I found so much of myself, I found running, friends, strength, joy, growth. I lost people too but everyone loses people, you don’t get to keep everyone forever, right? You gotta lose people and gain people. I feel like I’m scared of being alone but I was never that person before, why am I this person now?
It’s because society keeps throwing the perfect couple in my face. I want to be happy but you can’t be happy unless you want to be. Happiness is a choice and you have to make that choice everyday. I am making that choice today. I am making this choice every single fucking day! I could die tomorrow or in a year or in 2 years or in 10. I don’t want to spend that time pining for something I don’t have, I might never have, and I think I’m ok with that, well, at least right now. We will reevaluate tomorrow.