jan 3 in idea barrages

You didn’t need pizza on a bagel to have pizza any time. You always could’ve had pizza whenever you wanted. It was societal expectation holding you back, not a bagel’s lack. Free your mind and the pizza will follow.

It’s good that Spider-Man is neither a metal head nor Satanist because then he’d be webbing stuff on accident ALL the time.

Your band will be called The Slowcookers. Your album will be called “Rock Out With Your Crock Out”. You can thank me later.

You know your brain is just spinning its wheels when you’re thinking “maybe I should just tweet H A M B U R G E R S at every possible fast food twitter account and see what happens”.

Money doesn’t make him your better. If rich men could say it plain, his whole sick house of cards would’a collapsed long ago. But they won’t go that far, they want the crown for their own so we suffer. The Protestant Work Ethic’s the disease, Trump merely the most pestilent boil.

The optimal name for a country and western drag queen is “Tanya Tucked”.

Yes, I was singing to Ollie an NKOTB song as “The White Pup” to try and make him poop. It’s what you do with an insane dog.

See, we’re wasting all our stupid on “mean stupid”. Let’s focus our stupid back on “absurd stupid”. How about big ugly chunky leather fur-lined bras called Juggs? We don’t have to waste all our stupid on hate and fear! We can make pun-clothes instead!