(supposed) Liquid Diet 8 of 12 - 277 lbs in Weight Loss Surgery
- Dec. 17, 2020, 9:01 a.m.
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- Public
I cheated…
I dunno what it was about yesterday that completely threw me off but it did and I wanted to EAT. So when Will said he was ordering Indian and asked if there was anything I could possibly have, I ordered a creamy veggie dish.
I logic was that, I wasn’t going to have bread or rice AND since dairy has protein it was ok to have a creamy sauce.
That wasn’t logic - that was justifying.
Well I ordered it and ate the whole thing and kept to my promise of not having a lick of rice or bread. WHICH IS AN ACCOMPLISHIMENT. I usually eat like half the container of rice and maybe 2 naans! But I can say I was satisfied with my dish.
And poor Will, who’s love language is food, was so happy to see me actually full for the first time in a week. I don’t complain about being hungry in front of him a lot cause I don’t want to scare him off this path but he knows I’m not eating what I want or as much as I want and it bothers him.
SO I gained 2 lbs.
I kinda think the doc would like to see me closer to 270 than over 275 and I still have a few days to manage that. So all may not be lost. The point is - I’ve lost weight anyway so there’s that.
In Other News
I had a dream that I was on the operating table thanking my surgeon. I could see his face looking down at me and all the lights. I was just thanking him over and over.
And I woke up thinking, why would I already be thanking him now? I the thought/message I got back is that “you already came through this successfully”.
Which reminded me of the train of thought that many woo woo YouTubers talk about which is the idea that time is not really how we see it. We see time in a straight line always moving forwards. But it’s doesn’t exists that way and you an go up, down, and sidesways and alter things all the time.
Also the fact that there are many different dimensions to you life and you can kinda step sidesways between one life and another because it’s always changing based on what you believe.
For me, if I believed it was IMPOSSIBLE for me to get this surgery, it would kind of be like a self fulfilling prophecy where I would always be on the version of my life where I would not get it. But if I believed it was possible I move into the version / dimension of my life where it is.
And that rule applies for everything. If you truly believe something, no matter how outrageous, you will get to live in that timeline and basically the reason you believe anything exists is because you’ve already lived it and that’s how you know.
So for me - I’ve already gotten the surgery. I’ve already lost the weight. I’ve already done all the things I dreamed of doing due to the weight loss. I AM already there AND here.
I know how weird that sounds but it’s also comforting because it means that I don’t have to worry about the surgery or coming out of it safely, because I already have.
They say, the quickest way to get what you want, is to be feel happy and grateful and believe it’s already happened and feeling like it already happened moves you into the version of your life where it has.
But one of the hardest things to do is act like you believe something will happen when you have reasons in your mind why it won’t. When you’re already talking yourself out of it.
Although, probably a lot of things and experiences you have now were things you never thought possible some time ago.
There’s also the theory that you would never want something that hasn’t already happened. Your desire for what you want is because you know it can happen and you want to be THERE where it has already happened.
Even that outrageous secret desire you never told any one - like being an astronaut or traveling to some remote place. You want that because you were already happy in that moment and are just trying to get back (or forward) to that point in time that already exists for you.
Daydreams could also be memories of how great it was when you were there, that further your belief that you can get there because you’re Feeling like you were there. And feeling the happiness and gratefulness of experiencing it is what gets you there.
It’s crazy but anyway I have been trying that. I’ve been imagining waking up in the hospital bed and looking at my scars and really believing that I actually did this. And that this is actually going to work for me.
My bag is packed because I believe I’m going to surgery. I’m already happy about my life to come. I can see myself falling out of my clothes before it’s even happened. I can see a summer of FUN. I can see me and Will not bumping elbows on the center console of the car cause we both have enough room. I can see wearing new lingerie. I can see group pictures where I blend in, instead of stick out as the biggest being in the picture. I can see getting on a swing with Emma without fear of breaking it! I can feel how amazed I will feel when I drop 100lbs.
Everyday that gets me closer to surgery, I can FEEL this.
I’m just SO ready. I wish it was Monday tomorrow!
Last updated December 20, 2020
ninakir88 ⋅ December 17, 2020
:)