I Get The Compliment in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020
- Dec. 6, 2020, 11:27 p.m.
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- Public
Today, I was playing with the kids. I was doing a great job of it. Victoria said the only thing missing was a kid of my own.
I know she meant that (and stated) that I would make a great dad. I get that. I understand that the entire comment was strictly a comment to say, “You’re doing great with the kids, you’d make a great dad. All of our kids would be blessed to know the kind of child you would have.”
But she kept going. She mentioned how “a single dad who is good with kids is super attractive. Would honestly help out your dating profile.”
NO.
“You could even do IVF! I’m sure we could all help and make sure the baby was taken care of while you worked, it wouldn’t even be that big of a deal for all of us to chip in.”
NO
Then she dropped it.
And about 4 hours later? As I try to go to sleep? I’m crying. I’m crying about it.
Because, yes. OF COURSE I want to be a dad. And of course I’d be a great dad.... or as great a dad I could be! But… so much of that is about someone else choosing you for that. Someone else that says I want to have a kid with you. AND I get how that isn’t how many babies in this world are made. But even the “oh shit” babies… at some point, the decision is made that YES, I WANT TO HAVE THIS BABY. For me? A baby isn’t just a “sex trophy” and it isn’t “something that happened cuz I didn’t wear a rubber”.... it is a life, that if done right, is lovingly brought into this world. And FUCK YES, I want that.
But right now? It just… it serves as yet another reminder. Nancy has progressed forward romantically. Victoria and her boyfriend have progressed forward romantically. Essen, Remus, even friends in other towns.... getting engaged, getting married in COVID safe ceremonies, having babies of their own. Me? I haven’t progressed one iota. Not even a virtual COVID- safe date. This isn’t about seeking validation. This isn’t “I need a partner or I’ll never be happy.” This is about babies. This is about “I’ll never be a father if I don’t have a partner.” And that… yeah. That’s something that I don’t like to think about.
DimMeOut ⋅ December 07, 2020
Awww, Chris. I have talked to many female friends about their biological clock ticking and stuff, but I've never thought about it from a male perspective before. This breaks my heart for you! Children are definitely a blessing, and I hope that it happens for you in the next few years. I think you'd be an amazing dad, but I agree that if it were me, I'd want it to be with someone I cared deeply for and wanted to make a child with.
Praying hard for you, my friend. I know times have been hard for you for a while and I pray you find someone special soon to help you heal this pain and loneliness. ♥
Amaryllis ⋅ December 07, 2020
I was 100% determined to have my own child, regardless of boyfriend or husband status. Obviously it's easier and cheaper for women to do this alone, but I think it's something to consider for sure! You have a lot of love to give that a child could benefit from.