I don't know in formless
- March 17, 2021, 7:08 a.m.
- |
- Public
I am 2 months away from finishing my masters degree
They will let me graduate but I probably don’t deserve it
I am behind on several deadlines and the ones I do finish in time are garbage
My house feels like a prison
Sometimes it feels like my brain is the prison
I always feel like I am on the edge of something
like if I could just do this one thing
change this one thing
THEN
I could do all the great things I was meant to do
but the reality is none of these things
I haven’t escaped the anxious child
she sits here next to me
Dark eyed and angry
screaming at all of my fears
I blinked and my youth has all but disappeared
The greys have started coming in
lines on my face
and I still feel like such a child
I cannot stay organized
keeping my house clean feels like a monumental task that I never achieve
and yet I am supposed to have kids and a job and I can barely take care of myself and 2 cats
people ask me if I am ok, but what am I really supposed to say?
The truth: NO I AM NOT
The answer I give: yeah I’m fine
I am on the edge of falling apart
but what difference will it make if I say so
I don’t know what else to do
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