While having anxiety itself is very hard, the worst thing for me is when it escalates to a panic attack.
This happens once a few weeks and honestly, it’s so hard to go through.
It’s like my anxiety hits the ceiling and goes even further beyond. It’s so terrifying when you’re experiencing it.
When you read about panic attacks, you see things like “fear of dying” and “fear of losing control”. For me it’s a fear of living.
When panic hits, all I can think about is how i just can’t anymore. I feel like dying right then and there. I fell the urge to end it all. An urge so strong that I legitimately start thinking through ways. When this happens, I get really scared. This is where the fear of losing control hits me in the head. This is the moment where I have to hold myself in bed so I can’t do anything that my anxious mind tries to tell me to do. Understanding that the only thing that’s stopping me is the promise i made a few years ago is also going though my head for a long time. I still haven’t broken it, and i hope that i never have to.
It’s truly the scariest part. And this type of panic attacks I have can last for a few hours. Hours. Hours of being afraid to move, of trembling and crying.
After that i end up feeling completely exhausted for the next 4 hours or so. I still don’t know how to manage this. I can deal with normal anxiety since I’ve had it so a long time.
You get used to everything, usually. Almost anything can be dealt with. But this, i swear, is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to experience.
Loading comments...