Breathing in Book Seven: Reconstruction 2020

My day today was scheduled to be a truly nothing day. I was going to do some dishes, walk the dog, write some erotica, just… putz around. But it was a damned HOT day and Victoria texted to see if she could come over. Her weekend was busy between work and home and everything and she was looking for a place to just crash for a minute. No expectations, no requirement that she be entertained… just a nice air conditioned place where she could collect herself. So she came over and just… hung out. And towards the end of the night, she held me. She held me. And… it was infinitely relaxing. And then she left because she wanted me to have “plenty of time to soak. You haven’t done it yet and I know how helpful that is to you!” And what my dear friend Point of Orgasm said echoed in my head again:

“(Y)our previous relationships are not the norm. My husband was poking at his back this morning, so I invited him back to the bedroom for a massage. Caring for your partner and their well-being is kinda standard in relationships - of all types! You have settled for far too little for far too long.”

And ultimately… that is what Victoria has provided from the very beginning. I knew that the marriage was over with Nancy for a long time. But hearing that I could be attractive to someone else helped me realize that “tolerating what was” got in the way of “reaching for what could be.” And then here, again. We’re not on different sides of the room ignoring each other while pretending everything is fine. I’m in her arms, and she’s stroking my hair… relaxing me. Nothing sexual, though perhaps a bit more intimate than “two friends” would normally be. But that’s just the point. Something as small as watching TV together is an exercise in connection and relaxation. With Nancy it was never anything like that. And I need to remember that, no matter what happens with Victoria tomorrow or in the long term… THIS is what I should be looking for and settle for nothing less. Connection.