Styling in First entry

Today was the day. The day I have been working so diligently to see. Once I had reached my goal, I was doing the goofy man victory dance. Today I finally got my daughter’s hair styled. It may not sound like a big deal. But I would venture that it hasn’t been styled since maybe February? It’s been a while. Well, we got it untangled last night and today was washing, moisturizing and styling. I took out all of the braids and twists. I washed and scrubbed her scale. Again3, my wife said she did it 3 weeks ago, but her hair was so incredibly matted. There’s no way she really washed it. She probably just soaped it and rinsed it. Just checking the box. That appears to be a common occurence around here. Now I have the living room, kitchen, kids bathroom and my daughter’s room clean. I walk it every day and have the kids pickup anything they are responsible for. Its about time they learned a little personal responsibility. Each day I see things coming together. I see the light just slightly closer. I realize I am not going to fall apart. In fact, I am growing stronger. The house is getting in order and soon it will be.

Today I was going through pictures on my phone. I ran across the pictures we took in Disney World. How the hell did we get from there to here. It’s this guy. He has her brain washed. That or something has broken in her head. I’ve reached out to her closest friends and she has shut them off. Again I fear for her. Most negative relationships are starting by isolating the victim. She is either a raging bitch to me or she refuses to talk to me. It’s like she knows what she’s going is a mistake, but refuses to turn from it. I am powerless. I want to help her, but I can’t. If I am to ever help her I feel I have to stand strong and protect the children. I feel like I’m dealing with a rebellious teenager. She thinks shes in love and if something she needs doesn’t happen you hate her. You her against her. She is blinded. I feel like I can’t back off, i should fight with everything I have and risk it all. I don’t beka she has any intentions of really doing what’s best for the kids. Again, she is in love. That’s her priority. She loves the kids, but it’s not the same as she feels with the boyfriend. I truly believe if it came down to it today she would choose him. I mentioned to her yesterday that she was hurting the kids and one day the truth would be revealed. She told me that was fine. The kids are resilient and I am their mother. They will love me unconditionally she says. Which is true, but their whole foundation about loyal and integrity is now been compromised because you are having an affair that is ripping our family apart. This is bullshit and makes me angry. None of us have deserved this. Whatever short coming I’ve had, not justification for this. There are too many factors. Too many scary signs. I want the kids. My wife and her boyfriend can have eachother. I’m ok with that. Just leaving me.kids out of it.