Screeching Hault in My life....I can't make this shit up!

My weekend productivity came to a screeching hault today. I was doing so well too. Yesterday we got the main parts of the house cleaned. We even pulled the livingroom furniture out and scrubbed the floors and baseboards. When it cooled down outside we went to LOWES for large yard bags and weed killer. I put jeans and sneakers on and we picked up the firewood next to the garage, I scrubbed the table out front, and sprayed the rock bed. My back started to bother me last night so we called it quits and chilled. This morning I started doing the laundry and that didnt go so well. My back is screaming again.
I decided I was still going to get the laundry done until Cam said he saw ants in the microwave. WTF!? (There were like 2. On the counter.) When we get rainy weather those damn ants try to come inside. We’ve got traps all over the house.
Anyway, we moved the microwave and realized, we have not moved that thing since we moved in 5 years ago! (Gross!) I literally had to get a chisel out of my tool bag and scrape the counter. I’m not going to lie, it was gross.
By this time Brian had left to go on a Grubhub delivery. I attempted to put the microwave back but strained my back more in the process.
So here I am, on the couch not able to do anything. I have a pile of laundry to do still, the floors need to be swept and mopped, and the bathroom needs a good scrub. Brian’s whining he’s tired and Cameron’s being a pubescent preteen.
Anyone know a good maid service?