Disillusioned. in Mental Health

Sad. Confused. Depressed. Hopeless.

There’s just too much bad news. I made a new Facebook account to escape some of it. That was literally easier than going through and un-following a ton of pages and media sources and also eliminating over half of my friend list. I only kept the friends that I know, only those I’ve known for years through gaming or a discussion group, those I have actually met in person, and the one family member I still have contact with. That’s it. But a couple of those friends… I love them to pieces but all they post are anti-Trump articles. And one of them posts about a hundred times a day, it seems. It’s a constant barrage of “you’ll never guess what he said/did now!” and “Trump administration has done yet another monstrous thing.” Valid, truthful articles, for sure. But she posts them from click-bait “media” sites that, sometimes, you need to click through several links to get to the original article in the New York Times or wherever. So the headlines are all just over the top, you know? And misleading as fuck. And I feel like a shit, but I’ve un-followed that person because I just fucking can’t anymore.

Donald Trump is a monster. He is an embarrassment to our nation. His mishandling of the pandemic is nothing short of genocide. He is intentionally allowing us to die off. He doesn’t care if it’s his supporters or not, he just wants to do as much damage as possible. A sick, dying, scared, ignorant, paranoid, depleted population is easier to control than a healthy, educated one. Why do you think he’s allowed DeVos to devastate our public school system? Anyone from Michigan could have told you exactly what that evil woman was going to do, but did anyone listen? Just like anyone from Indiana could have told you why you shouldn’t vote for Trump based purely on his VP pick, but you didn’t listen then, either. And now we’re trying to tell you that he likes you ignorant, uneducated and uninformed - and also sick, dying, or dead. Will you listen?

I just can’t with people anymore. So many of them are so disappointing. We’re supposed to be this great country, we’re number one, right? But we’re so painfully stupid as a society. It’s embarrassing. It’s shameful, how ignorant so much of our population is. It’s overwhelming. How do you fight willful ignorance? How do you change minds when those minds absolutely will not hear facts and reason? And, if you can’t change minds, how do you change society?

Did you know that American billionaires increased their net worth by $564 billion during this pandemic? That there are now 24 brand new billionaires in America? But, but… I thought we all had to get back to work to keep the economy on track?! While 50 million Americans were out of work, the billionaires were still raking it in. But we were told we had to reopen the economy omg our entire way of life will be destroyed if Becky can’t get a haircut and Karen can’t speak to the manager. We’ve got to get back to work, America! There are bills to pay! Mouths to feed! The economy, the economy! The only reason for reopening the country like we did (which has been a fucking disaster) was so the wealthy could put us back to work making money for them.

I know I’m repeating myself here, but I’m just so fucking fed up with humanity right now. So fucking fed up with anti-maskers. So fed up with headlines and bad news. Fed up with everything. I’m ranty and ragey and cranky and not-friendly. And I’m sad. So very sad. It will pass, I know. The depression, too. I feel like this is more a mood than an episode. I know I have so many good things in my life, so many reasons to be happy and hopeful.

Sometimes I just struggle a little, like I’m in the middle of the ocean clinging to a life preserver and I just get tired and slip below the surface for a minute.

I’m not drowning, but I ain’t breathing, either. Just for a minute.