*tap tap tap* Is this thing on? in Not All Who Wander Are Lost

So. Hi. It’s been awhile. Like checks notes 2-ish years? I’m not going to pretend this is some grand return wrapped in a new years resolution to write more, but I will say I do miss writing, and I appreciate the record of the good, the bad, and the ugly. So. Here goes.

I feel like not much has changed and yet everything has changed. I’m still working at the same company, albeit in a fancy new office and job title. It’s not anything I would have imagined myself doing when I was younger but as far as jobs go I really can’t complain. The pay is pretty decent and I have a lot of freedom to do what I want when I want and no one questions me. I also have the ability to listen to a fuck ton of podcasts and audio books, so, total win there.

Kiddos are doing well. 21 y/o doesn’t really know what he wants to do with his life but he’s working and has a good friend group of nerds he DnDs with. 15 y/o is a freshman in high school, but goes to science and tech specific school and wants to be an engineer. 13 y/o is in 7th and all gifted classes. I feel very lucky to have very sweet, smart, good kids.

I got two cats! At long last! I’ve always wanted one but ex-hubby said no while we were married and my first apartment didn’t allow cats. So as soon as I could I adopted my sweet Artemis. She is the best fucking cat and I’m obsessed with her. A few months later my friend found a kitten in her neighbors driveway and while she couldn’t keep her she asked if I would. I was iffy at first because this was a KITTEN kitten (about 5 weeks old) and Artemis was not happy at first. I named her Luna (ofc) and now she and Artie are best friends.

I guess the biggest change is that Josh and I moved in together last year. We celebrated 4 years in December and honestly I think we’re both kind of shocked we’ve stayed together this long. Not because we don’t love each other or anything but just having both come out of bad marriages and being a little apprehensive about relationships we’ve just . . . Worked. For the first three years of our relationship he lived about 45 minutes away so we’d only see each other a couple of times a week. This really worked out well for me because I liked living alone for the first time in my life and just being with my kids and focusing on them. Last year he decided he was unhappy with his current employer and actually got a job with my company (different location, though) so it just made sense to move in together. It was an adjustment for me, for sure. I was just like why are you here all the time and what is your stuff doing in my bathroom. But now we have a good routine and life together. And like . . . It’s really a life together. We’re making so many plans. We hope to buy a house next year, take a trip to Europe, and eventually get married. I’m in no rush on the marriage part but someday I think I want to again. Josh says he doesn’t care either way, as long as he gets to spend the rest of his life with me.

I was reading through some of my old entries, the one in the thick of my marriage ending. I was actually crying at work - I hurt so much for the woman writing those entries. She had no idea what was coming, if she’d ever make it through, if she’d ever be happy again. I want to hold her hand and tell her she’s going to be okay - be better than okay. Ex-hubby and I got together when I was 19. I spent nearly half my life loving him and when that was gone I didn’t really know who I was without it. But my god. I’m so happy with how things turned out.

Not that everything has been amazing. I have lost friends, my best friend since high school actually ghosted me right as my marriage was ending. I’m not entirely sure why, to this day. I have my guesses but since she just stopped talking to me it’s nothing more than musings. It hurts, still, I’m not going to lie. I miss her. So many inside jokes and stories and memories that only she would understand. But it is what it is. There are so many people in my life who love me that I can’t focus on those who don’t.

Things with ex-hubby are good, actually. I wouldn’t say we’re friends but definitely friendly. We’ll still text each other memes or inside jokes from time to time. Some bullshit went down with his ex girlfriend and I invited him over so we could talk about some things and it was just a really good talk. I got to say a lot of things I’ve wanted to say since we split and it felt so good. And he actually acknowledged his fault in the entire situation, something he’s literally never done before. Then he told me he was happy I was doing so well, so that was also nice. There are things I’ll probably never be able to forgive him for but at the end of the day we created three amazing children together. Everything else matters less.

Anyway, I think that’s a pretty good update for now. No promises that I’ll keep updating but, you know. See you when I see you.

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