Strug in Current Events

This chaos comes with gifts. I’m looking at this as one giant awakening. We have an opportunity to stop and look at our ways of life. People say that they want things to go back to normal? Normal wasn’t working. Normal created this mess. Normal isn’t going to fix it. Also, time does not go backwards. We have an opportunity to create something new. Do something new. 7 billion people all thinking about the same things right now, that’s powerful. Change is a destructive process. We’re turning upside down, inside out and we can become aware of something deeper as individuals or as a whole. We’re all just trying to escape ourselves, we can’t live with ourselves so we attach ourselves to sex, drugs and rock N roll. We spend hours on our phones and just do anything possible to create as much distance from having to sit alone by ourselves and our own thoughts. Now we’re being forced into isolation and we are closing in on having to face ourselves. Now is the time we can learn that the world isn’t the problem, we are. I do hope that some of us evolve enough throughout this to discover that there is something more.

I have to admit that I am struggling to have faith here. It’s easier to have faith when you can pay your bills right? My credit card company is coming at me, my phone company is coming at me and thank god I don’t have a big rent situation, yet, but my car company will be coming at me soon and I don’t know where I’m going to get money to buy my next round of groceries. People who are tired of hearing about COVID must be hogging all of the luck, love and lollipops in the world to be annoyed by us complainers. I just learned that my brother is not doing well in BC. He started drinking again to cope with everything going on over there. I’m pretty shook about that. I want to call him but I don’t know what to say and I’m not a good listener. I don’t have the patience to listen to people blame, excuse and deny their responsibilities. I should call him though. My brother in law is the only one who is working and even he is on borrowed time. When he comes home he will be forced into self-quarantine which means the rest of us will be as well. My sister still has six months of maternity leave so she’s getting income from that and Matt will apply for EI. I don’t have that luxury. Millions of people are out of work and there is not enough work to go around and their rent is due today. Everything is collapsing. It’s like a giant domino effect. I’m trying to have faith that God, as I understand, will provide. Nobody has control and that makes everybody afraid. Me? She done already had hers’s. I played this game last year.

In other news, my hands have recovered from the chemical burns that I got from the hand soap at work…ex work? But now half of my knuckles look like scrotums. I’ve been moisturizing my hands since the 1900’s and they don’t look a day over 20… until now. I’m Edward Scrotum Hands lol.