The three cubed ring circus in Snowspangled

Well, the journal-y people call it their “level 10 life” but mine is completely failed, so it’s really just a circus. There are monkeys.

Family and friends:
Actively avoiding about 50% of my surviving family. In my defense, they are quite toxic.
My brother Mike is fine, but he’s busy.

Spouse’s family seems to pretend I do not exist. This is fine, I guess. I disappoint me, too.

Friends…well. I have two online, both in really awkward time zones (Australia and GMT versus my GMT - 8.) Sometimes we don’t really coincide for weeks. Even when we do, one of ‘em is mad at me for dumping all of her rp characters, and the other one is very, very obsessed with very very pretty boys. Which can be fun, but sometimes they are not fun.

Obviously I have no friends in person. This is evinced by the fact that I couldn’t get a dance partner in PE, and I probably won’t have one all term. What girl’s learning ballroom dance by herself? This one. Oh well. Who even needs other people to dance?

It’s not like it’s meant to be an enjoyable thing.

Personal Development

Still in school. I guess here I’m fine, although I find myself wondering why the fuck I bother so often.

Spirituality

Why the fuck is this even on here? I’m an atheist. You cannot watch an innocent child die of Down’s syndrome, a heart condition, and a heaping helping of literally no brain and still think something somewhere has a plan. Oh, and her sisters? Autism! FOR THE WIN

Finances

Yeah…I don’t have these, either. I have a zero margin on everything. I’m just grateful I own that car now. Now the fun is affording gas and food.

Career

I don’t have a career. I have a massive case of late-blooming, infantilized life that just isn’t going on track so well because track is also fucking joyless and pointless.

Marriage

I wonder if this thing means the hostage situation that I go home to daily? Probably. Dude, see the dance class comment up there. I can’t find a partner to dance with. And I haven’t had sex in a decade. There’s some broken ass shit in here.

Fun and Recreation

Um. Locke and Key is nice…except it’s stuck behind Spouse’s desire to screen ALL of Criminal Minds before “he starts a new show.”

Other than that…I don’t have hobbies that count for anything, and I have writer’s block. I knit? But that’s not fun so much as “I wait around in doctor’s offices a lot.”

Giving/Contribution

If you want to give things, that’s great. I have nothing to offer. Hell, I tried to share my home with the kids’ homeless friend, and look how THAT’S going.

Physical Environment

I trashed my bedroom so I could clean it up, so I guess I get points here. Nothing else is any good, though. I’ll finally get the rug into my room right, I guess? (It needed the bookcases to move, which needed the books to come out, which happened.)

health and fitness

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Even my IUD is trying to escape this body. True story. I run on regret, caffeine, and Tylenol.