Sometimes you just gotta keep on truckin'. in --
- March 18, 2014, 12:50 a.m.
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- Public
Here is a picture of the bangs, I guess. I hate doing this publicly, but I don't know how to change settings.
Things haven't been the best lately. Today was a rough day. I was in a bad mood (I don't know what it is with me and pregnancy), and it made Jacob in a bad mood. I'm always miserable lately. I wanted to be able to go out and whatnot and be an adult, and I was sad that I couldn't. I've never gone out on St. Patrick's day, and I'm 24. I guess there are worse things to be upset about, right?
I've been miserable lately, and I can't pinpoint why. I'm also always bored. Nothing sounds fun except going out, which I can't do because of lack of friends and pregnant. This isn't really "me" so I don't know if I should get checked out for depression or not. The only times I wanted to do those things was when I was super depressed in my early 20s. (whoa I'm in my mid-20s now... so weird).
Jacob and I have been fighting a lot. Today he said that we aren't working, and that we need to fix it. He's right, but I have no idea how to fix myself. I'm just never happy. I'm afraid to get help. I'm afraid to take pills while I'm pregnant and breastfeeding. But I don't want to do this to us and our family.
I'm always mad because banana peels are left on the table, or messes left for me to clean up. It infuriates me, but it really shouldn't.
I am always bored. Cleaning and childcare isn't intellectually gratifying, you know? But I'm too tired for everything else too.
We haven't had sex in... I don't know, a month? I don't remember.
Sex doesn't sound worth it anyway. It's so much work for.. I don't know. It just feels like I got punched in the vagina afterwards (thanks, pregnancy).
Lorelei is a very active kid and that makes me happy. So does kisses and hugs from my son. He's darling. I am looking for daycare for him but I also dread putting him in daycare. I miss him when I'm not with him. He smells good and I love to snuggle him. His weight against me feels sweet and precious. I don't know if it's healthy for me to still be this in love with my son after 18 months! I just love my kids, even if parenting is really, really hard sometimes.
Starhawk ⋅ March 18, 2014
I dig the bangs.
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Daycare is a godsend. It would let you get out some, and it will also help socialize your child. Super glad we have done it.
martian princess Starhawk ⋅ March 19, 2014
Thanks for the tip!
Do you guys both work? Daycare is so crazy expensive. :(
Starhawk martian princess ⋅ March 19, 2014
Yeah, we both work. And the daycare we picked is even more crazy expensive than most of 'em. Oy. We pay more for that, than we do for our mortgage. But then again, the educational and social basis we're giving him is immeasurable. It is also SUPER nice to be able to take a weekday off and drop him off for the day and be grownups for a while. Worth every penny.
Fawkes Gal ⋅ March 18, 2014
I'm sorry things aren't going well. Do you do any exercise at all? I've been feeling really down lately and this morning I forced myself to get up and exercise before the day started and I feel SO much better today. I know it's not easy to motivate yourself to do it though, especially in the early stages of pregnancy. I had a prenatal workout DVD that was pretty easy and fun, maybe something like that could be a start?
I think you're quite right to be irritated about having to clean up after other people all the time. Jacob is a grown-ass man, he ought to be able to help out with things.
martian princess Fawkes Gal ⋅ March 18, 2014
I have been taking walks everyday now that the weather has been nicer. It was too cold for me yesterday and I skipped going, but it really does make me feel good to exercise. It also makes me super tired though, but hopefully my body will get used to it.
Fawkes Gal ⋅ March 18, 2014
And yes, I like your bangs too! They look great on you!
Deleted user ⋅ March 18, 2014
It will never be un normal for you to love your kids that much. My youngest is sleeping on me right now and i just love breathing in the smell of his hair.
I wouldnt worry about depression just yet - it is probably just hormonal. Jacob and your sister need to help more. There is no excuse for laziness i.e. banana peels being left out. Have a chore list and split the work evenly. It will begood for Cannon and Loreli to see the structure and teamwork as they get older.
It gets easier.
martian princess Deleted user ⋅ March 18, 2014
I am so tired of repeating myself and I'm not sure a chore cort would work, to be honest. they only tend to do things when I ask, even if it's a task they normally do. Jacob takes out the trash but it usually is too full and I have to nag at him to do it. same with the cat box when we had a cat. and then the cat would pee and poop outside the box because he couldn't be bothered to clean it but once a month.. it is really aggravating. and I have to ask over and over again for him to throw trash away and put dishes in the dishwasher. he is better than he used to be, but I think this is as good as it's going to get, and I'm ready to get my own place sometimes because living here is too depressing when it's so filthy.
Deleted user ⋅ March 18, 2014
Lorelei**
NeonLady ⋅ March 18, 2014
My husband gets really depressed and emotionally unstable when the house is a mess. That could be a big part of it for you..?
martian princess NeonLady ⋅ March 18, 2014
I think you're right. and I'm always frustrated because no matter how hard I try to keep everything clean, it doesn't last very long. I feel like the only adult who cares if the house isn't gross, and it is really hard for me.