parenting rant in --
- March 16, 2014, 10:45 p.m.
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- Public
There have been a couple of threads in my facebook mom group that have really rubbed me the wrong way. The first one was about how some of them judged other peoples' kids on facebook and how theirs were "smarter." The second one was about how a few of them were jealous of other peoples' kids because they could do things their kids couldn't, developmentally.
It is just SO infuriating. Why do you care about comparing other kids to yours? Why don't you focus on your own kid? I feel like it is such a stupid and awful waste of time, and it propogates mommy wars, which I fucking despise.
I have never once thought about being upset or jealous that Cannon can't do something. I just feel proud of his accomplishments and I monitor his development to see that there aren't any abnormalities... but I will never push him to be "better" than other people. He is his own individual human being, and he will do things on his own time, in his own way. And he seems like a happy, well-adjusted kid so I think this approach is working for us.
I just don't understand, I suppose.
Deleted user ⋅ March 16, 2014
i never did, either. my kids are grown, but there were times when they were compared to others, and it did not do any one of any favors...and as it turns out, the judgment was totally unjustified.
we all need to be encouraged as parents, especially you younger ones, who are bringing up children in very challenging times.
NeonLady ⋅ March 16, 2014
I understand, to an extent. I've been pretty good about avoiding comparisons because as you said, it's a waste of time. But sometimes it's hard when you see another kid your kid's age doing way more than your kid can do? You just wonder if you're parenting correctly and if your kid is okay...but yeah comparisons do nobody any good.
martian princess NeonLady ⋅ March 17, 2014
I know what you mean! There are lots of kids that do things my son doesn't do yet but I don't really feel bothered by it. Maybe I'm too laid back, but so far I think he is good.
nthaniel ⋅ March 16, 2014
My attitude with my children, theirs, and any children I love....If someone boasts about "my child can do THIS," my attitude is like, "Good. I'm happy for your child." I am defiant enough to think that if the world told my kids they weren't good enough, I'd make damn sure they knew otherwise. And sometimes, the weirdest things can make them feel not good enough, but they ALWAYS are good enough for themselves and me.
AlexYourAlterEgo ⋅ March 17, 2014
Some people have empty lives and have to one up each other just for something to do and a way to try and validate themselves through their kid.
You're a good mother, and your babies will come to realise this once they get a little older and see how unhappy their friends are when their own mothers tell them they're not good enough.
Deleted user ⋅ March 17, 2014
That drives me crazy. People used to say to me yet, he's not walking YET?! "No... he's not, and I'll be happy to carry him as long as he wants." Why rush them and miss out on all the great stuff they do? In my eyes, if you are waiting and comparing milestones, you're missing out on little moments each day. Not worth it! In the long run, that only makes moms and kids feel bad about themselves.
Deleted user ⋅ March 17, 2014
there was an extra "yet" in there - oops :P
Relish ⋅ March 17, 2014
I don't understand either. I never worry about Quinn or compare him to other kids either. I feel like he's right on track and why bother? I feel sometimes these Mommy's who judge and get so obsessed with their kids milestones and other stuff just have nothing better to do honestly lol it's annoying
Deleted user ⋅ March 17, 2014
Everyone develops differently... Even in adulthood there are some things we are good at, some things we aren't. Some things we pick up quickly, some we do not. Why would all babies follow the same track?
I think a lot of the sanctimommy stuff you see online is just people looking for something to do. Some people just enjoy debate.
Fawkes Gal ⋅ March 17, 2014
People are weirdly competitive about kids. I don't get it. My own parents are constantly pointing out how much more my son is talking compared to my sister's daughter when she was at a similar age. It makes me a little uncomfortable! They're kids, they will do things differently, it doesn't make one smarter than the other!