Pop up in 2020

4:35pm

Well yeah, I’m definitely not going to be writing as much as I thought I would. I happened to see the entry counts over the last few years and it’s funny how my best years have the least entries. It’s only when I’m stuck in turmoil and confusion that I come in here and write all the time. I guess it’s easier to come in to process my thoughts than it is to come in and tell you how happy I am. 🤷‍♀️

It hasn’t all been rainbows and butterflies, but it’s mostly been good. I spend pretty much all of my free time with EC. We get so little time together in general because we both have busy work schedules right now that I try to take advantage where I can. It’s usually only like an hour after work on Tue/Thurs and then a few hours Fri/Sat nights and most of Sunday when I’m not at work. On one hand we get plenty of time to miss each other but I’d also like to be able to see him more often. I don’t know. I’ve kinda been neglecting my other chores/errands but it’s worth it to me.

In other news: Guess who popped back up again? Yup. Good ol’ TF. 😔

This morning I had a text come through on my fitbit and as I glanced down I saw: Hi Anna. It’s that time of year again. Can I drop my stuff by???

My first thought was immediately wondering who would call me by that name? I thought maybe someone was joking with me, but then I picked up my phone to check it out. Turns out that it had a picture of a Rose to represent my first name and that’s why it came up weird.

I sorta had a feeling it was him but I didn’t have a name saved and it threw me off for a minute. I eventually looked up the number in my work system since I knew it had to be a regular client. And sure enough it was him.

But because he doesn’t know I can look up phone numbers [and I don’t want to start things back up with him again] I played dumb. I told him that I had to admit that I wasn’t quite sure who it was but that they could definitely come by the office to drop stuff off. He responded fairly quickly, “It’s TF. Your favorite client!!” Hah. Not any more buddy. I said, “Oh! Well come by any time.”

Then he told me that it was sad to be forgotten and I simply said, “My bad. It’s been like a year.” And he said something dumb like “I know homie”. That only serves to remind me how childish he can sometimes seem.

I never responded and he didn’t show up. It’s Wednesday now and I never got a chance to finish this. Went home late, EC came over for dinner and we had a great night.

All I kept thinking last night is how different things are now. I had no desire to continue a conversation with him whereas before I would have been itching to say any thing to keep it going. Anything for a little bit of his attention. Honestly, I was sitting on the couch around 10pm and suddenly realized I hadn’t thought about those texts at all for hours. Previous me would have obsessed so hard all afternoon.

Boy am I glad to be out of that headspace!!

I have a lot to say about stuff that has popped in my head over the last 24 hours, but I think it’s better suited for a new entry.

Until then,
rose.