I wasn’t low today. I wasn’t low all day but now… I’m burnt out. I should be sleeping because I have to be up in less than 5 hours but I needed to write.
Most of the time I’m doing well. I got used to missing you years before I ever needed to but some days it hits me all over again. Grief comes and goes in waves but sometimes I feel lost in the tsunami. One month from now it will have been 2 years. I can’t even begin to process that right now. 2 years. Everyone wanted to talk about valentines day this evening and all I could think about was how badly I miss you. February 13th.
I love you so fucking much it hurts sometimes. I hear you in the wind sometimes and others I catch your scent. I swear I can feel you put your arm around me sometimes, or at least I could. Missing you is hard when I dont know how to talk about you. I always just feel like everyone is sick of me crying all the time, about you, about life, my job, and everything in between. I am doing well but I guess I’ve always been a criar.
maybe I’m just the girl who cried wolf. Too sad too often to take seriously..
Goodnight. I need to stop before I spiral farther. I love you. I love you more. Goodnight.