Five of Six in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

  • Dec. 31, 2019, 7:54 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

Today my depression and inner short comings won. Everyone I try to help at work? They were outweighed. I get attacked by the government I represent. I get attacked by the Defendants who refuse to be held accountable for their actions. I get attacked by the Defense Counsel who is paid better if they can make me question myself. I get attacked by the Victims who are shrieking-ly demanding that I go to hell whilst fucking myself because HOW DARE I prosecute the father of their children (who threatened to kill them). So… at work, I’m attacked from all sides. Then I come home. To an empty house. Because the woman who was in a relationship with me for 14 years was dismissed… she didn’t love me, at least not in a way that made me in anyway a priority.

So the question that loops in my head? The thing that is making me question myself more than anything right now??

Am I a good person? Because… I don’t feel it. Any more I just.... feel like an NPC waiting for the eventual patch that removes me from the game entirely.

Pretend Mulling December 31, 2019

You’re not a bad person, not by a long shot. You’re at the beginning of a divorce and walking away from an abusive relationship; you’re bound to have a lot of mixed-to-negative emotions about it. And, unfortunately, you work a thankless job, which compounds things.

All I can really say is, ignore the voice in your head that tries to make you believe you’re a bad person. Bad people don’t worry about if they are, because they don’t care.

stargazing Pretend Mulling ⋅ December 31, 2019

Totally this. Especially the comment about bad ppl not worrying if they are bad ppl.

still, i rise. December 31, 2019

Your worth and whether you’re “good” or not doesn’t come from work, your relationship status, etc.

You must be logged in to comment. Please sign in or join Prosebox to leave a comment.