Mary Christmas in Current Events

Merry Christmas everyone!

So yeah I’m going to be that guy to complain on Christmas. My mother usually does a brunch for us because everybody just does Christmas with their partner’s families and my mother does not want to compete so she just does a brunch. I’m self-partnered so I haven’t done a Christmas dinner in a few years which is great because I’m too vegan to sit a table with a dead animal on it with its squirts. Also, Christmas and I have never been friends. I’m one income and I just hate spending that money but I’ll do it! I’ll do it well! I’m so good at gifts. This year, I can’t do much. The unemployment situation and all. Anyways! I thought that the brunch was today! I was dreading it all morning. I lost sleep over it! I didn’t know how to explain that I didn’t have enough gifts for everybody. Then as I’m walking out of the door my sister was like, where you going? and I’m like… moms for the brunch? and she laughed at explained that the brunch is actually tomorrow. Well paint me white and call it appropriation. I get to dread this for another 24 hours.

Then my mother called me to tell me that I need to call my grandmother to arrange me picking her up tomorrow. That is fine but I was confused as to why she didn’t just text me that as usual but she told me that she just learned that my grandmother’s best friend passed away yesterday. That she just broke the news to my grandmother. I felt so bad. When I called her to arrange the pickup she was crying. It was hard. I tried to console her the best that I could. It put a bit of a damper on my day but it’s all understandable and nobody’s fault. Mary was her friend’s name and that friendship was as old as I am. I know the title of this entry looks like a typo.

Then I missed a call from Toni and I assumed it was a Merry Christmas call as my phone was blowing up with those. She texted me that she wanted to talk about our future living situation… AGAIN. She is starting to get cold feet. She keeps doing this. I lost my job, that was the only time that I pushed our living arrangement back. This will be her third time now. She wants to move back in with her parents to save money and she seems to want my blessing. She keeps saying that she still wants to get an apartment together so I don’t know what she expects me to say? Let’s rent a house with your parents? I don’t want to force us to live together. I especially don’t want to share her anxiety. I don’t have a backup plan but I think I might have to get one. Get work, get an apartment and then go to school are my priorities. I don’t need Toni for any of that. It would nice and easier but I can do it alone.

Also, today is the anniversary of when my friend Ryan passed away. He was like a big gay brother to me. He would be such a good friend to talk to right now. I am the age he was when he died so that is why he keeps crossing my mind.

So I decided that I would take Bev up on her offer to hang out with her and her mother this evening. I wasn’t feeling too good about being alone when I was feeling sad for my grandmother and anxious about Toni on top of my other problems. Bev is kid-free this week, they are at their father’s. She hates Christmas too. We watched the finale of His Dark Materials together. I was not satiated with the ending. Also, I took my pill while I was there and it actually hit me the way it used to. I was sleepy as fuck and I didn’t know if I was even able to drive but I was fine as soon as the cold hit me. I tried to get gas on my way home but my credit card bounced. I have to borrow money to make a payment so that I can have access to my credit because that is my life right now. No income. It was a hectic and embarrassing moment but I sorted it out.

Well, while I was visiting with Bev and her mother I said that I applied at the tax centre and Bev’s mom got interested. I forgot that she works there. She says that they’ll probably call me next week and make me do some tests and an interview. Then that I would only be part-time but that I would probably be starting at $26 an hour. Now I’m hoping that the test isn’t hard because math and I are not friends but for $26 an hour, math and I can be friends with benefits.