URGENT. Advice Needed! in These Foolish Things

  • Dec. 15, 2019, 8:27 a.m.
  • |
  • Public

Last night, I’m at a wonderful party hosted by an amazing friend. Several of us are drinking champagne and taking photos and having a glorious time posting to social and just enjoying the evening, when all of a sudden a text comes in for me from Doctor D.

Now remember, I am still in love with this guy. He saved my life and then my feelings grew very, very strong for him. And when I finally told him that I wanted to date him (after a several dates and a few months of being unsure about it), he told me that he didn’t want to be in a relationship.

I haven’t responded yet (it’s next morning), but I desperately want to. What do I say???

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Last updated December 15, 2019

Elaine Benes December 15, 2019 (edited December 15, 2019)


I think you say fuck you. This guy is sexy pants all over again. Would you want him sending texts like this to women if you were the someone he was enjoying dating??

Ginger Snap Elaine Benes ⋅ December 15, 2019

Ugh. I know! What the fuck is he doing? It's a mean stunt, isn't it? All the way around.

Complicated Disaster Elaine Benes ⋅ December 15, 2019

^^This^^ xx

Athena Elaine Benes ⋅ December 15, 2019

Hell, yes! Everything Elaine Benes says. This is very disrespectful to the woman he is dating and very disrespectful to you. This guy told you no. He’s told you he is dating someone he likes. Your job here is to respect yourself.

Marg Athena ⋅ December 15, 2019

I have to agree with all of this - I know you know this deep down too and desperately wish it wasn’t like this but ......😕

Florentine December 15, 2019

Oh, Doctor D. My heart kind of hurts a little because I know how much you like him and I know I've been in this same spot in the past.

Be careful. Establish your boundaries. He clearly WANTS you, but if that is not enough for you, don't let his sudden attention convince you otherwise.

Complicated Disaster December 15, 2019

Heartbreak lies down that route. Don't go there. <3 xx

The Rocky Mountain December 15, 2019

Dirtbag. Run away.

Deleted user December 15, 2019

forward that to his girlfriend

Athena December 15, 2019

Everyone here has given you great advice. I hope you take it.

.bob Athena ⋅ December 16, 2019

Yep. Everyone has already said it. This guy is on an even lower level than BPM, if that's possible.

pandora December 15, 2019

He is not respecting you OR the other woman in his life. He is telling you that you are not number one, while expecting you to be happy with the crumbs he is dolling out. If that was a booty call, then he is saying, "I am a scumbag, and maybe you are too if you want to get together even though I have a girlfriend... let me know if you're shitty like I am."

As difficult as it is (easier said than done, I know), I think the classiest response is no response. This guy is not worth your admiration.

plushcreep December 15, 2019

What everybody else said, plus it's a slap in the face to tell you he's not ready for a relationship and then text you that he's in one. WTF, dude? Not very classy at all.

SeaShoreClams December 15, 2019

I'd be hurt by this. This signals that he sees you as a sex toy to be used. Fuck.him and the horse he rode on.

Ignore and block him. No good could ever come out of this.

Fred December 15, 2019

I think a one word response like “Wow” or “Yikes” is sufficient.

I didn’t realize he’d told you he didn’t want a relationship. I thought he’d just ghosted you. Tosser.

Meeks December 15, 2019

I'd put my hurt/angry feelings aside and respond with: I'm happy for you. Merry Christmas.

Ginger Snap Meeks ⋅ December 15, 2019

This is what I’m feeling. Thank you.

bobbi01 December 15, 2019

I'm so disappointed in him. You are obviously still in his head. Take that as a win, and keep moving forward with being your fabulous self.

Gangleri December 15, 2019

He's an asshole is all I see.

a girl thinking December 15, 2019

i vote for saying nothing

Jinn December 15, 2019

I think I would say ; I think you should be fantasizing about the woman you enjoy dating because that is the kind of woman I am and more.

Ignatowski December 15, 2019

The time stamp of 9:45PM should tell you everything you already know.

Sugar Magnolia December 15, 2019

People treat you the way you allow them to. You are so much better than that.

gemidevi December 16, 2019

I am ditto'ing some of the great advice here...and the common theme of delete him, don't answer and move on.

Kate December 16, 2019


kashka January 02, 2020

Ewwww. He really showed his colors with this one, didn't he?

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