(yeah so 1st, this new 'write entry' box, not feeling it. not that my opinion matters. I mean it's great they're trying new things, but my OCD is going wacky over here. I need the lines and order over here lol.)
I think I'm suffocating in this house. I walk in the door from work and theres like a box that gets put around me. I do kiddo's homework with him, get us bathed and fed and then I sit on my bed watching TV or playing on my phone. I don't really communicate with my family. We tend to not get along more than we do. I'm still pretty much the black sheep of the family. I mean, I'm the only one in the world who's had a failed marriage, who's kid's father turned out to be a major a-hole, who didn't finish college, who's a struggling single mom. Right? No one else in the world is like that. Sins that are never forgiven.
My little brother tends to think when he gets out into the real world, everything will just fall into place for him. He'll graduate college, get an amazing high paying job, meet the perfect woman and BAM happily ever after. He'll "never be like me, b/c he's smarter than that". Let's look at how my little brother lives life. He was homeschooled since 1st grade. He workes at Popeyes about 15hrs a week. His paycheck goes to video games and food. He stays up till 3am playing video games, then sleeps till 2 when he wakes up and plays more video games. He goes to church on Wednesday nights, works his 5hrs 3 times a week at work and he never really sees the outside world other than that. He's 21, only got his license at 19 and drives only to work, which we live literally 5 minutes from. He's never been on a date, most of his friends are online for the games....and he lives in a certain la la land. He's still attached to my mother with an umbiblical cord. He has no clue what the world can throw at you. He has no clue what it's like to try and fail. Yet he feels he has authority to talk about what my life has turned out like. And it sucks to say this, but some moments... i hate him.
My mother.....I can't take. I love her, I appreciate what she does for me; but we are better off on a 'talk when need to basis'. All my mother does is hole up in her room and sleep. Because she's so "depressed". Because she's going "crazy". My father has taken to doing the cooking, cleaning the house and he even slept on the couch for a week when she had a tooth pulled b/c his snoring "bothered her tooth". She's a hypochondriac. I'd love to know what she finds so depressing about life. She hasn't worked out of the home since marrying my dad, her kids are grown, her husband now does everything around here. So tell me why you feel the need to take a xanax and shut life out? What is so hard to deal with that you just stick your head in the sand. Boohoo, life is tough. Try dealing with things that other people have to deal with daily, without being able to pop a xanax to take off the edge. I'm so over her.
My family seems to think that because I live here, I suddenly have no rights as a parent. Whatever I say for kiddo, doesn't matter adn they can just do whatever they want. My kid will never respect me, because they don't, and he sees it. And it really pisses me off. to the point of tears. I have no say over anything with my own kid.
I feel like I walk on eggshells b/c if I mess up and defend myself for it, all my mistakes are brought back up. i'm so tired of it. it's so frustrating.
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