Fetlife Introduction in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

As I am unsure of exactly the best way to navigate this website and my new life; I felt a small introduction would be in order. An ice breaker, if you will.

This may be out of order, but I find placing the TL;DR before the text saves people considerably more time. So the TL;DR of what you are about to read is as follows:
This is a short summary of who I am, how I got here, and what I am hoping for. Ultimately, I am inexperienced in the world of sex and sexuality but have longed to experience the spectrum of pleasure and sexual experiences this world has to offer.

Normally, an introduction would start with a name. However, I am a government worker in a small town and I fear that public knowledge of my journey may threaten my job. However, in my life I have been known by many names anyway. CK, Felix, Peter, Chuck, John, Doctor, the Valeyard, Harvey, Edward, Park, and Tucker… to name a few. So, if a nom de guerre is needed, please call me Felix Martin. Felix is the name I was known by in college and Martin is a secret family name. Besides, the name means “Lucky Warrior” so that isn’t a bad thing to go by.

I was raised deeply in purity culture. Essentially told that sex outside of marriage was selfish and sex IN marriage was The Ultimate in Romance. I was told to repress, opress, and re-direct all of my sexual energy and lustful desires into “more worthwhile pursuits” as I was getting older. And I did. I won’t list everything but I promise you the following is all true:
I had five poems published nationally by the age of 13
I was in my school’s honor choir and show choir
I personally built my church’s Youth Program
I was in a professional mime and improv troupe in High School
I was an avid member of Thespians and did every play in the school/city/county that I was allowed to do
I won a Grammy for Cello when I was a Freshman in High School
With my orchestra, I toured Austria and Germany and played for the Graz City Council
I co-starred in a professional film when I was 16
*I was a competitive swimmer with a 100 Fly time of 1:09:17

In short… I took the command to “repress, oppress, and re-direct” and put all of that into trying to be accomplished. Music, Theater, Swimming, Academics, Writing… I was that kid that gets to school at 5 a.m. for swim practice and doesn’t leave until midnight when Play practice is over. So… arguably, the church was right… redirecting all of my sexual energy and lustful desires resulted in a LOT of different activities and achievements for me. But… I was still super excited to get married so I could put my desires and inborn perversions to their more proper uses.

Unfortunately, when I was 21 and decided on the woman I was going to marry… I didn’t do enough to make sure we were compatible. It is now 100% my belief that waiting until marriage is a certain way to guarantee divorce. Because it turns out… my wife is Aromantic Asexual. She disagrees but she has found any and all sexual expression to be objectionable. Only counting from when we got married to when we legally separated? We were together for 8 years. The first three years were celibate… no sex (of any kind) no foreplay no sexual play of any kind. The next 4 years were “more sexual” but that was strictly “3 to 4 times in a year if I was lucky; vaginal only… and cowgirl if I was really lucky.” Then this last year? Another year of celibacy. So… yeah. One could say that I am a 35 year old man who has only had sex with one woman and the “level” of that sex was rarely and vanilla af.

So when I say I am a sexual creature looking to explore, I’m like Gwa in Quest for Fire. I know that I have a number of as-yet unsatisfied and unexplored fetishes. I have an extreme desire to find pleasure and bring pleasure. As a long-time actor, I will tell you that there is nothing I desire more in this world than THE REACTION. Whether an audible cry of pleasure pain; the swift sucking of air at insertion; or shuddering orgasm of my partner… I want live for seeing my actions reflected in the reaction of another. AND I wouldn’t mind having some reactions of my own. Fuck, I’m not just inexperienced… I’m pent up. The last blow job I had was during W Bush’s first term in office. It’s… been a while.