Grass not always greener... in just testing

Sunday I caught up with some friends I knew in HS. I talk to them on FB but we hadn't seen each other in years.

It's weird cause one friend.... Curly... was always thin and popular. My other friend .... Country .... wasn't very popular in HS but she found a good guy and now has a home and 2 kids and leads the American Dream kind of life.

From what I remember about Curly, after hs she fell in love with an army guy and moved down south to be with him. They eloped. They seemed very much in love and had pictures on FB of themselves by the beach a lot - Curly sporting many bikini's. But we got to talking and Curly has put on some weight and is separated from her husband. I think he cheated and she moved back in with her mom but she says she still loves him. Even though he fucked up she can't forget the good times. Also, just as they were splitting up he got cancer. She's there for him as he's going through chemotherapy but they're still not living together.

It sounds really complicated.

And Country talked about the failing health of both her parents. Her mom has alzheimers and dementia - which means she doesn't even remember her own children and gets violent because of how confused she is. Country's father is taking care of her mom but he got colon and prostate cancer and they removed a lot of his body. He now has a bag for poop and a bag for pee. He doesn't have the equipment [working anyway] to relive his own body. So he's dealing with that and taking care of a woman that doesn't even know she's married to him.

It's extremely sad. I may be fat, renting, broke and childless but I wouldn't trade my life for theirs. To think of all the times I was envious of their FB postings.

Otherwise, work is going well. They're finally getting the kitchen under control so I can go back to just being a receptionist, which suits me just fine.

I already have my eyes on a raise - I hope it's not a measly 35cents or something. I'll be there a year in July and I expect a raise but I dunno what to expect.

I wrote another entry in my diet book. Diet's not going well LOL.

I... I'm deluded cause I lost about 30 lbs in 5 months before my wedding when I was stressed by the planning and hating my job. I'm in a better place but not losing weight as quickly.

I'd never wanna be at that job again.... just wish this was going faster.

Maybe when the weather picks up I'll try walking/jogging in the park. I took a walk in the park yesterday when it hit 60 and I did 3 laps and was TIRED. That's pathetic.

I'm tired of being this way. But like I said in the other entry - I've been overweight since kindergarten. I don't see myself ever changing. Not big time, and not for long term. I'm just never gonna get there.