It's Done... in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019
- Nov. 23, 2019, 1:19 p.m.
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- Public
… but it has only just begun.
I made it to the Couple’s Counselor about 6 minutes before the session was supposed to start. Time for session came and went. Therapist asked if Wife was still in the car, and I said that we were coming separately today as I stayed with my parents last night. The counselor asked, “Was that by design?” knowingly. I quietly said yes. I had sent her last week (so, yes… even before anything with “Emily” was on the radar) my thoughts and feelings about everything. And they were pretty self-explanatory. I have been waiting and waiting for SOME sign that my relationship could actually be a marriage sometime this decade. Well, decade is almost up! And the Never Sex and Seldom “I Love You” are UNACCEPTABLE after this much time.
Wife got to the Counselor’s Office about 10 minutes after the session was supposed to start.
We opened it up to what was planned. How the relationship was able to grow without the pressure of sex. Did kissing increase? Did emotional connection increase? Was an agreed period of No Sex in any way able to increase any element of the relationship at all?
No. Wife was unable to build or work on any form of connection during the period. So… “pressure” of sex wasn’t the problem. The problem, as discussed last year, is that we have a Just Friends Marriage. And so, I told her that while she was a friend and roommate, she wasn’t my wife. And that we needed to start transitioning to Separated or Divorced.
The rest of the session was mostly her crying. Me crying every once in a while. And the counselor and I trying to get Wife to say… something… anything. After an hour… was she going to call her parents? Was she going to go back to IF or stay with her parents? Was she going to feel safe today? She… as one would expect… had no idea. So obviously I am worried about her. But… this is how life is going to need to be. She is going to need to make some decisions. And while those decisions WILL affect me, and my life, and my property, and my finances, and my dog… I am no longer in a position to make those decisions for her and she needs to learn how to make these really hard choices.
But as it is right now? I don’t know where I am sleeping tonight. Or how the next few days or weeks or months are going to go. All I know is that… it won’t be easy.
Deleted user ⋅ November 23, 2019
Well done. Honestly, that was brave.
I've made it ⋅ November 23, 2019
It will get better. Left a very dependant husband, it was like cutting off a limb for me. Because I cared about him as a human being. But i needed my life back. Just keep moving forward.
DE_KentuckyGirl ⋅ November 23, 2019
I know that was hard. And it may get worse emotionally before it gets better as you witness her confusion and, possibly, pain. You'll be hurting too. She has been comfortable so long with her life of not having to give back, and being carried financially, that this is going to be jolting for her. I'm honestly a bit confused by your declaration that she is your best friend. I don't know if it's because you have no one else to be close to, and therefore it's her by default, or if we don't get to read about how good of a best friend she is. The things you've written about that have nothing to do with romance still seem that she is apathetic in general to giving back anything in a relationship, and will only muster absolute minimum effort if she feels her life of comfort is about to be upset. And even then, "effort" is questionable.
I wish you luck, and peace as you move forward with your decision.
Anaiss ⋅ November 23, 2019
I am so glad you found the strength and will to do that. And it WILL get hard. My ex sent me a "Dear Jane" email from a ship at sea, after 30 years of marriage, to tell me he met someone in Singapore and wasn't coming back to me. This was in the days when the only way he could send an email from a ship was to write it out and have the ship's radio operator send it. And I had no way to reply. And still, a few months later, he begged me to take him back. Why? Because it's HARD to make the break. Thank God or whomever, I stayed strong and resisted. Because otherwise, we would have just delayed the inevitable.
Purple Dawn ⋅ November 23, 2019
I'm sorry that it will be difficult and you will both be hurt. It is not a decision made lightly and she will have to get hold of her family, perhaps they can help her make some decisions. You shouldn't have to do that. Take care,
Brodie 💗 ⋅ November 23, 2019
I’m proud of you. It’s not easy.
Always Laughing ⋅ November 23, 2019 (edited November 23, 2019)
Edited
Hugs I know it wasn't easy
Deleted user ⋅ November 23, 2019
💛💛💛
hippiechica15 ⋅ November 23, 2019
hugs
Pretend Mulling ⋅ November 24, 2019
//hugs//