November 16, 2019-- When I see light at the end of the grief tunnel in Productivity Diary

Starting balance: 43.98 hours

5 mins
Warm up with some comps.

24 mins
Well you know, if comps help me

I’ve had it already. Stop with all the crying for him, my listener. Stop it all. Just do work. Whatever it is, just do work.
Okay, alternating 5 mins comps and 10 mins class related work. Feel like I can do this now. Also, answer Dr. T. too.

30 mins

5 mins
3 mins
11 mins

Current balance: 42.68 hours

I’ll work for an hour and break for 10 mins, how about that? yes, please do that.
11 mins
6 mins
1 hour 3 mins

Current balance: 41.35 hours

Okay, time to deal with grief is over. Now back to work.

16 mins
17 mins
50 mins

Current balance: 39.97 hours

Let’s do work, shall we? I’d like to alternate the five and the fifteen.

5 mins
What do I do now? - I was here all day and I worked for 4 hours? I was here for 12 hours!!!! Stupid me. Yeah I have that grief and all, but still…

I’ll message him in a few days about my final realization.

35 mins
15 mins

Current balance: 39.06 hours

What do I do now?

God will provide everything, absolutely everything I need. I thank you for all the pain I have had to bear. I am very grateful for the sacrifice I’m privileged to make.

Do the following:
-Grade
-Write paper direction (tell it in class in the morning)
-Lecture prep, Monday and for the remaining of the week
-Law PS– please just do it no matter how painful it is okay? I need to get out of this place

Comps reading in the middle. Remember that I also have to write a study guide for final AND GIVE IT TO THE KIDS BY NEXT WEDNESDAY.

16 mins
9 mins

Current balance: 38.65 hours

31 mins

Ending balance: 38.14 hours

Another snippet– a major turning point, now that he has really moved on from me.

Grief is back, I’m so bummed out. It shall leave and come back again. I really don’t want to move on from you either. You’ve been such a positive influence on me. I couldn’t possibly have got where I am now without your patient help.
It’s bittersweet. It’s not that I absolutely cannot go on without you (although it would be a bit harder but it’s not impossible), nor that I absolutely cannot form a new connection with someone else (although that would take time but it’s not impossible).
It’s just that sometimes you don’t want the memory of someone being replaced. It’s not about what they can do for you. It’s about the person.
Yes you were especially good, but it’s not about finding another especially good listener to replace you. It neither helps nor not helps, it’s just completely irrelevant because it’s not about that at all. It’s about my past pain and sufferings, how I was able to overcome them with your help, the triumph of overcoming them, and how I was able to share those with you. It was a definitive turning point in my life. I’ll never be in the exact same situation anymore. I’ll never be between 23 and 26 years old anymore. That made you special too, and not just your special skills in listening.

Last updated November 17, 2019