NJM15: Counting Blessings and Calling on Angels in These Foolish Things

  • Nov. 15, 2019, 2:22 p.m.
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  • Public

Went to see the neuro-interventionist today. Hooray. I finally got in, and boy am I glad I got in to see him. Crazy thing is, after ALL of that bullshit of me saying that I don’t need another CT scan, the doc says I DO need another CT scan! Lord. But I suppose if it means we will figure more stuff out, then sure… CT the fuck out of me, right?

He told me a couple of things: (1) the brain is very resilient and can handle that kind of radiation to an extent and, (2) they are only scanning a very small part of the body - really, it’s my carotid artery that they are focusing on and the CT gets very focal.

I gotta be honest - I was kind of blown away today. Neuro Doc said he had to go back to my original scans to refresh his memory and he said that my carotid dissection was VERY BAD. In fact, he didn’t realize they were “that bad”, as he put it. Apparently he looked and looked and then he found my most recent scans and noted that I’ve been healing nicely, but that I’m very, very lucky that I didn’t have a stroke back in April when it was first diagnosed.

Now. I know this, right? I know I was moments away from having a stroke, but to hear it put in such a way from a guy who specializes in treating strokes hit home in a way that I hadn’t really pictured before. It felt more dire - more real.

He also put me on a higher dose of aspirin since that is the ONLY blood thinning medication I’m on right now. I was on baby aspirin after the Plavix nearly caused me to bleed out. I asked the doc if baby aspirin was enough protection and he said that the only way we’d know is if we did more scans to see what size the aneurysm is today. Because if it’s bigger, I need more protection (like the Eliquis I was on previously). And if it’s the same size, smaller or even gone away, I could probably go back down to a baby aspirin a day. It all depends on what Lovely Lump is doing right now. So today I moved back up to grown-up ADULT 325mg aspirin. Whee!

And the other thing is that I talked with Neuro Doc about my dad and his double vision and loss of balance issues. Neuro Doc says my dad needs to see a Neurologist STAT. Dad may have suffered a small stroke. He even gave me a referral. I called my dad to tell him the news and that I could call and set up an appointment and dad told me that he’d handle it from here. I’m SO WORRIED about him, but my mom told me to let it go…that I need to “put it in God’s hands” as she put it…and I know that I can’t take care of my sweet daddy-o…he needs to do things his own way. But it makes me cry to think we could be rushing to get him help!! He doesn’t want it that way. Do you think he maybe wants to die? Do you think I could send my guardian angels his way? What if he’s letting go? I’m not ready, you guys. I’m just not.

But again, it’s not up to me, is it?

Okay. I’ve been at the office for a couple of hours now and I think I’m going to leave now. I’m traveling all next week and I really only needed to come in to pack up my laptop and some paperwork.

I’m gonna get going now so I can start the weekend off right. Or at least on a sunny note (it’s gorgeous outside).

Love to everyone,

Athena November 15, 2019

yeah, i think you gotta let them keep peeking into your head for a while. it's too new and SERIOUS. i hope your dad sees someone fast. from what i can tell, god doesn't give a damn.

Jinn November 15, 2019

Glad you got in there and they will guide you to what you need .
Your Dad :-( Why would he not want to get checked ? I hope he changes his mind.

Marg November 16, 2019

Mind you I suppose it might be more dramatic to him because he’s immersed in all this stuff all the time so there’s that. Which isn’t to take away the seriousness of the situation but I think you have a better perspective on it.
Your Dad will want to be in control of this new situation probably so will want to do it his way. It’s hard to sit back and let him though.

Florentine November 16, 2019

When is the next CT? Sometimes, I think it's the waiting and the not knowing can take such a toll on our mental health. I'm constantly impressed by your perspective and zen. You work so hard to keep a calm mind!

plushcreep November 17, 2019

Just hearing what you'd feared spoken out loud and confirmed like that must have been a real jolt. Keep up the healing!

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