Wiped in 2019 Amazing Stories!

Yesterday’s therapy session went well and was exhausting. It was my first session since being assigned the “Mothers Who Can’t Love” book. One of the exercises in the book is to write your mom a letter, the kind not meant for sending. I wrote a letter, and it took me about a few days to write certain sections and multiple hours to write. It was 5 pages, front and back…so 10 pages? The purpose of the letter is not to bash your mom and all the things she fucked up in your childhood but to acknowledge the painful feelings and truths that have been hidden away. Its like a way to tell your story and lay out all of your emotional ish without fear of criticism, contradiction or interruption.

So I wrote it. It was supposed to have 4 parts:

-“This is what you did to me”
-“This is how I felt about it at the time”
-“This is how it affected my life.”
-“This is what I want from you now.”

I think I followed the format pretty well, but I did sort of ramble in some parts because I got to the point of “well since I brought THAT up, I might as well go all out…” And since talking for me in general is difficult (and probably frustrates her greatly), I figured I’d just keep writing. When I told her I wrote the letter, she asked if I felt comfortable reading it or if it would be okay if she read it on her own if I couldn’t read it myself. I told her I would start reading it but if I couldn’t finish, she could read the rest of it. I made it through the whole thing and she was like “woah” and then she was like “that letter was written very well.” and I was like “I like writing, its the only way I can really organize my thoughts”. (Hint, hint....assign me more writing things and you’ll get more info out of me....)

So now she knows more. I’ll see her again in 2 weeks on the 25th, 2 days before I fly home for Thanksgiving.

And this morning I woke up with the chills and a general “I can’t tell if I’m getting sick or not” feeling. I was hoping it would go away once my body fully woke up for the day, but it didn’t. So I trudged through work, skipped kickboxing, and took my dog outside this evening just long enough to do his business (he’s doing better, btw). But yeah, I’m depleted of all energies. Mental, physical, everything.

Last updated November 13, 2019