nov 6 in idea barrages

A grand opening flier still up in a window for a business across town that’s already shut down. The window is for a shop that’s now closed too. Trumps America.

If you say “fresh starts” 20 times fast, it begins to sound like “stress farts” and so goes the subconscious genius of the English language.

Heard a radio commercial about a lawsuit over defective earplugs and I suddenly started singing the Inspector Gadget theme song “Dun-D-Dun-D-Dun DEFECTIVE EARPLUGS”.

If you go back to the track after winning once, it’s okay, now you’re gambling with horse money.

The main reason to not date someone who changed their name to Mysterious Circumstances is that if you die during sex, you will only be remembered for the fact that your death was the greatest pun of all time.

My new gimmick flavour potato chip will be Potato And Salt flavour potato chips. They’re like potato chips except made to taste like fried potatoes and salt. After that: Chocolate Cookie And Vanilla Creme Oreos.

I like to think that Charlie Tuna’s unfulfilled death wish to be eaten finally mutated into a more directly suicidal impulse as The Tunabomber.

Everyone else in the restaurant supply store hated her because she was a maverick, a real whisk taker.