i blame myself
you broke my trust
possession, digression, tears and lust
could not free me from the stone.
i begged you not to be alone
prayed you’d hear the words i think.
i sent them to you through my palms
but underwater, stones just sink
beneath the weight of pros and cons.
and where is there a space for me?
on your terms and in your arms?
soft strength or just complicity
tied my tongue, but you were wrong.
a fire builds up now in earnest
i wake up to a smoky mess.
are you the warm glow of the furnace?
or just an arsonist with my address?
it cuts me deeper than you’d guess.
i wipe my eyes amongst the rubble
i feel like nothing, maybe less.
you melt me to a sullen puddle.
reflective mirror of my mind
but other times guess it’s a muddle.
all i’ll say is at the time
it felt like screaming in a bubble.
what can i say but i’m not fine.
silence is my only sin
and yet i could’ve sworn you heard me
and just pretended it was wind.
it takes but negligence to hurt me,
and here you’ve kicked me in the shin.
fires melding to usurp me
while my torch is getting dim.
and do you see what i have been?
with all the heartburns that i’ve swallowed
i blame myself for blaming you
for being whole while i am hollow.