The Thirsty Oriental

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Page 1 of 17

After writing about my three and a half year tenure at Trader Joes, a couple of you requested a Trader Joe’s shopping guide. So, here it is. My unbiased, unfiltered, somewhat insider guide to wha...


With Hurricane Irma possibly making landfall right on top of my little slice of the Eastern Seaboard, I’ve started stockpiling some necessities. We also have some beer, wine, tequila, and some C...


NASCAR. It’s been a part of my life… well, for about as long as I’ve been masturbating. Over thirty years. I won’t speak much to my mental capacity, but I do seem to have a knack for memorizing r...


Thank you to evvvvvvvverrrrrryyyyyone who played. Really good turnout this time around, folks! And a lot of you did really, really well! Here are the answers… One- “Sweet Transvestite” -Rocky Hor...


Happy National Hot Dog Day! Now, go eat a wiener. Take the Name That Tune Quiz HERE!


My latest experience trying to find Zima at the Food Lion got me thinking about grocery stores. Here’s what we have in this area: Trader Joe’s- Good prices on some things. Bad prices on other thi...


In the beer aisle at the Food Lion… “Hey, do you guys carry Zima?” “Zima? What’s that?” The girl working the beer area looked seriously perplexed. “Zima. You know- that drink from the 90s they ju...


I don’t know about you, but… It just doesn’t look right, I tell ya. When I used to work at Trader Joes, I’d always change them, every chance I got. I’m sure it pissed some people off, but I was ...


This will likely get me a lot of flak, but there’s something I’ve gotta say. I say this as a U.S. Air Force veteran. I say this as someone who used to work overseas in military intelligence. I sa...


Well, gee whiz- it’s a damn good thing that I decided to check my oil this morning… I wasn’t exactly expecting to find that under the hood. I’m guessing that the four-year old decided to see if ...


June 21, 2017

Flower in Rhapsody in Yellow

Thanks for the memories, Marc-Andre Fleury.


Our little boy just turned four on Wednesday, but as a father… and an owner of not one, but TWO Subarus.... I don’t know, guys. This commercial kind of makes me want to bawl my fucking eyes out ...


The Beatles. No band is as iconic. No band is as famous. No band has had their entire catalogue more thoroughly critiqued, researched, constructed, and deconstructed. The thing about the Beatle...


As much as I enjoy Jimmy Buffett’s music, and as much as I enjoy going to his concerts, I recognize the fact that he is a much better businessman than he is a musician, and I certainly am aware t...


Does it seem to anyone else like the best parking places are occupied by the nicest cars in the parking lot? I’m not even talking about handicapped spots or other reserved spots. I’m just talking...



There is a sour taste in my mouth. No, it’s not me forgetting to keep my mouth closed the last time I masturbated… It’s everything I see that says “Happy Memorial Day!” It’s the endless barrage o...


It really turns her on. That’s what happens when you are in a town with ZERO stoplights.


A song you like with a color in the title. “Red and Black” -from Les Mis A song you like with a number in the title. “99 Luftballoons” -Nena If you know what the translation is, you may notice...


Arlo Guthrie- Saw him about ten years ago. I got to meet him and got a picture with him. Wayne Newton- USO tour when I was stationed in Korea. 2003? 2004? Liza Minelli- Saw her a few years back. ...


April 26, 2017

Final Lap in Rhapsody in Yellow

It happened. I’ve been dreading this for a while. I even wrote about it last August, because I could see it coming. (And it took me FOR FUCKING EVER TO FIND THIS POST BECAUSE PB HAS NO SEARCH FUN...


Gee, I remember my first band trip on a chartered bus. It was 1997, and I climbed aboard the bus with my Walkman and my stack of cassette tapes. I’m sure a bunch of you can relate… This was a fa...


I’m not a Red Wings fan. I’ve never been to the Joe Louis Arena. I’ve never been to Detroit. Hell, I’ve never even so much as set a foot or a tire track in the entire state of Michigan. However,...


Thanks to everyone who played… it was fun for me to watch some of the guesses roll it… there were a shit ton of people who did really well, too! It was really, really close at the end… but the pe...


April 03, 2017

Useless in Rhapsody in Yellow

I literally don’t know why I try to fix anything myself anymore. I’m pretty fucking worthless.


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