Screamer in Current Events

Last night while I had the house to myself I did something that I haven’t done since I was a preteen. I screamed. I screamed a lot. I screamed at everything. I screamed so hard that I could feel the stress on my vocal cords and the blood vessels in my face breaking. My ears rang and hurt because I was in such a tiny space, screaming. My chest burned because the air in my lungs was coming out so violently. I screamed like a girl. I screamed like a boy. I was yelling, cursing and just wailing. I screamed until I lost my voice. It felt so good to let everything out. Today I feel like I smoked a pack of cigarettes. It started while I was playing Resonance of Fate, I got stuck on a battle. Then I just thought about everything going on in my life and just started screaming at the top of my lungs about it because it felt good to let the anger out. I don’t give a fuck if my neighbours heard me.

My hypoglycemia symptoms stopped after I ate a large pizza last night. I knew that was going to fix it, it’s my go-to. Do I feel better today? I don’t know. I’m just on my first cup of coffee. I need to get out. I wanted to get myself up and out of bed at five this morning and just have my coffee and then clean the house. Then I wanted to work out while I have the energy for it. It’s leg day. And glutes! And abs… I’ll play music and dance, that will be my cardio. I am praying that my roommates decide to stay in Anola for another night. On one hand, I dreamt that I dropped Vincent and I want to hold that baby so much right now but on the other hand I want to be alone. As always. I really just want to have the morning of my dreams and then pull my life together… so I suppose that I should just go do that then ya? I got some meal prepping to do yo. Then I am going to apply at Marshalls and Winners for their annual seasonal positions. I should probably call that lawyer again and leave a better message this time. I really need to open up my bank account and force myself to look at it. I know that it will light a fire under my ass but it will give me a panic attack… but it’s got to get done is. K!

Edit
I’ve decided to make a bad choice and complain… Tomplain? I’m grateful for this opportunity that my sister and her husband gave me but I am going to be petty and whine a bit. For shits and giggles. I just finished cleaning the house, I left their bedrooms alone. I do like cleaning, I did 95% of the cleaning for four of the five years that I’ve been here. I was going to mop but then I remembered how useless that was going to be. These people always miss the point of the mudroom. That little section of the house between the backdoor and the house. The one with the shoe matt. They never take their shoes off in there. Ever. I installed a shoe rack in there for them also so that they could continue to leave their shoes inside the house for no reason. Right in the middle of the dirty floor.

Matt! He is such a guy! It’s not cute. He never cleans up after himself. He trims his beard and leaves all that hair all over the sink. He uses culinary scissors and just puts it back without washing it! He spits in the sinks and never washes it out either. This grown man does not even own a toothbrush because it’s uncomfortable to wash his teeth. And bro! Did you know that you can dry yourself off after a shower while still standing in the tub? You don’t need to drip all over the fucking floor. This grown man literally wastes a towel to lay it on the floor over the bathroom matt to soak up the water… like why is hygiene so difficult for some people! They will run out of handsoap. I tested it once to see how long they would go without washing their hands with soap and it was a week… because I bought some! I used my body wash during that experiment because I believe in hygiene. They bring their phones into the bathroom with them when they duece! Do people wash their phones after they wash their hands after wiping their ass? No! Speaking of duecing, Matt’s time in the bathroom is absolutely insane. It is not natural to need that much time to void your bowels! I would be seeing a doctor if I was him but he is too stubborn to do that. Why wait for colon cancer? I’ve been locked out of the bathroom for the last 40 minutes and I have to pee.... ugh but I think I know what he is doing. Which is gross to think about. You’re in your thirties! You’re too old for doing that in a bathroom.

My sister is the kind of person that loves wearing sweatpants and a hoodie in the house all year round. That means that she needs to keep this house at an absolutely uncomfortable low temperature. I’ve complained about how cold it gets in here. In the summer I can see my breath in my room. Recently she’s been getting hot flashes! She doesn’t think they’re hot flashes but she has a nervous breakdown every single time it happens. I swear to god I thought she was going to throw her baby across the room. Like, chill bro. Wear a t-shirt. Also, she’s too young for hot flashes and should probably see her gyno. We’re in that age group now where all of our bad choices catch up with us and we all start getting diagnosed with preventable diseases and cancers. Is that insensitive to say? Yes. Use reef-safe sunscreen and avoid carcinogens is all they preached growing up. But that’s no fun in our twenties. Did I mention that these people smoke? A pack a day each. They eat like garbage, don’t exercise and smoke cigarettes all day like they’re still twenty.

They hoard! They complain about not having space and then they get more stuff. They complain about clutter and then add clutter. Decluttering and finding space is like… actually fun for me. A glass of wine and I put on some good tunes and it’s playtime. I love packing and unpacking and organizing and cleaning… I’m sick. I just hate hearing them complain about things right before they decide to make it worse. They’re not make things better kind of people.

Right now I can tell that they want me to leave for a bit so that they can… you know. I do want to get out of here and buy some groceries. It’s going to be the big one, the big haul. I’m so over it. They’re not fresh produce people. Onions and garlic are the extents of their fresh food. They dip into my food all of the time and it’s not a big deal I just don’t like having to always make that trip. Everything is canned or comes from a box if it is not a chunk of animals that have been dead for weeks.

Ok, I put some bad karma out there for myself now lol

Last updated October 31, 2019