I'm terrified to ride my horses :( in Pridesafiordilabbra

I’m out in the mountains of new Hampshire for 15 days. Brought 2 horses with me. Eddie the 6 year old and twitch my 15 year old mare for my nephew to ride this weekend.

For the last 3 1/2 years I have had issues with ridin . Since I came off hard from a filly I had and fractured 4 ribs.

The last 8 weeks I have slowly been getting my confidence back riding Eddie at home and we had been doing great.

Unfortunately today I had 2 major panic attacks within 15 minutes. Crying couldn’t breath just couldn’t keep it togethe . In reality it had nothing to with Eddie. It was a fear of falling off and getting really hurt again. I ended up getting off and walking back down the trail. I would rather get off willingly then hit the ground hard unwillingly.

Now a few hours later I wonder why I even have horses still when I can’t enjoy them like I used to. I can’t ride to the top of the mountain and enjoy the view. I feel like a failure that I couldn’t get past something that 4 years ago was so easy having a horse walk threw mud.

I am going to enjoy the next 10 days I have left in the mountains but won’t be riding like I had planned.