Today’s shenanigans consisted of my daughter dropping Bubby Jr with my son so he can take him to daycare.
Daycare wouldn’t take him. He hasn’t been for a month. Of course they couldn’t take him.
So, I had to leave work. I spent the afternoon with him. I missed him so much. When I walked in the house, he looked at me and then ran toward me and hugged me so tight. I hugged him, kissed him.
I’m crying now because these tears need to come out. While I remain faithful to God, I am human. This entire thing stinks and my heart is broken about this. The people I want to talk to about this don’t want to listen and they are just so zen and don’t want to hear the details. Bff asked me to drinks and I’m like I can’t but I sure will get into this bottle of moscato. So I’ve been texting her everything. She’s seen all the foolishness so she knows where I’m coming from.
I’m torn between being myself, the caring “you can stay with me” grandmother and being the heartless person that let’s the kids suffer along with her. Either I’m enabling or I’m heartless. If something happens to the kids that I could have avoided, I would feel shitty. The other side of this is that once again, my life is not my own. I’m taking on responsibility that I shouldn’t have to because I’m picking up someone else’s slack.
This is the pits, man. For real.