ugh in just testing

Why does it take me so long to get in here LOL

OK so I left off where a co worker was upset at me. Over this week it's gotten better. There were a couple of days where I wasn't talking to her cause she wasn't talking to me - and it was extremely awkward when he were in the same room together.

I decided to let it go. I talked to her like normal - drew her into conversation whether she wanted to or not and now we're talking like normal again. I don't know if it will ever be 'the same' because she showed me a nasty side of her I can't forget but I'm not going to continue the silent treatment. I'm thirtyfuckingtwo years old.

Funny thing is - she's near 50.

ANYWAY

So my 6 year anniversary didn't amount to much cause Will made plans with one of his friends not realizing it was our anniversary day. I didn't bitch too much cause this friend has a toddler and barely gets out. So if he's free I'm happy for Will to see him.

I just stayed home and broke my engagement ring

yep....

my engagement ring is basically 2 hearts of diamonds inside eachother and the middle one is slightly raised. And it broke off!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't even feel it, just noticed it was gone after the fact and had an extreme panick crying meltdown. Meltdown over the cost of diamonds that were lost and over the memories that were lost.

Even if I had enough money to get the same ring again - it would be the same. It wouldn't be the ring he got down on one knee and proposed to me with. It wouldn't be the one I was wearing in the church I got married in that rainy Saturday in May.

But - the thing is - I rarely lose things for good. I've lost some pretty expensive and important things before and then found them in weird places - like the cuff of my pants. I swear someone watches out for me on things like that.

So I calmed myself, said a few prayers, and just believed that since God hasn't really let me lose anything for good, he wouldn't do it this time either.

I retraced my steps and found it in my laundry bag. It's a mesh bad and it must have gotten caught on the mesh. Maybe it was loose to begin with and that's why I didn't feel it come off. Thank goodness I was inside all Saturday. At least I didn't lose it in the street or in a mall, etc.

So it's intact - just separate and Sunday me and Will went to a local jewelry place who charged about $70 but promised to soder it on extra extra good. They said mass produced rings can be flimsy and they see things like this often and the promised to make it studier.

I was happy to pay the $70 to get it fixed. I would have been devastated if I never found the broken piece.

That Sunday I also went to church - me & church has always been flimsy. I've meant to get back into it but I've been lazy.

I feel, as much as I complain, I have a lot to be thankful for and I should take time to reflect.

Will says the same thing but he never has a job that he's free on a sunday ... until now. I always wanted to go with him and when he was OTR I spent a lot of weekends at his beck and call and he's had this new job 3 months and I though maybe we'd be a church going couple but he works 3pm to 1am - get's home at 2am - does God knows what till 4am - sleeps till 12pm - eats, dresses, shower, computer till 2pm to get to work at 3pm again.

And that's his schedule, even on Sundays and most masses are done by noon so he basically sleeps through all services.

I can't wait on him anymore.

So I went to church Sunday - it was mainly due to my prayers being answered when my ring piece was found but I want to be a church - goer so I'm gonna keep this up.

Just happens to be Lent so I'm on time to give up something [I don't feel like saying what] and I'm going tonight to get ashes.

So after church and the jewelry store we went to our wedding rehersal brunch spot to eat. We actually go there prob once a month - good Indian food - and the we retired to love making and netlix.

So he made up missing the actually Day of the anniversary.

Diet - wise .... I'm doing OK. I'm feel like since my period when I went NUTS that I haven't been able to keep exactly on calorie everyday. I'm always a little over and I know it adds up but I feel HUNGRY. I really need to bring lunch / snacks to work but I'm broke and just by the necessities right now. I mean, I buy groceries - but mostly dinner stuff for me and Will and toiletries. And he buys even more groceries but I don't buy a lot of TV dinner or snacks or things that I can take to work.

BUT brokenness is about to change. I know I mentioned that my tax refund was pitiful but Will's wasn't and Will is basically giving me near $2000 for my credit card bill. He's keeping some 'fun money' for himself but not a lot.

And I'm kinda overwhelmed with guilt cause I'm taking so much from him but he very much sees my debt as 'our' debt and wants it gone even more than I do.

So I accepted tho it's eating me up.

I know now that we're married what's mine is ours but he didn't contribute to this debt so I really feel bad.

But on the other hand - the money is amazing. My debt is now about $4550 [last summer is was like $7500] and Will's gift is gonna bring it down to like $2600. That.Is.Amazing.

My debt will be FINISHED this year. I can't wait to have this off my back.

Work was exhausting today. Our chef is gone and now I'm receptionist and prep chef [or whatever you wanna call it] so I barely get any work done and today my screen died. It actually wasn't exactly my screen - my boss fixed it but he needed to buy a part - but it didn't work all day so I was in and out of classrooms getting snot and baby food on my clothes cause I had no computer to work at.

Exhusting.

And I have a cold now. It's not so bad, not yet anyway. Clogged nose, swollen throat [doesn't hurt - just swollen] and slight dry cough.

I'm taking meds but a sick baby screaming in your face pretty much over powers pills.

But the director and associate director notice. They see me.

Raise season is 4 months away - hopefully the school is doing well enough to grace me with some extra dough. I'm not ashamed to say I've earned it.