P.R.F. Prosebox 09/05/2019 in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening; you’re joining us here at P.R.F. Prosebox this entry being put forth on Thursday, September Fifth, Two Thousand Nineteen. It certainly feels like Friday to me because of how long yesterday felt. Which is funny as this was a shortened week anyway. But… yeah. Prepping for a Jury Trial for the last few weeks for it to be called off at the last minute… sure makes it feel like a Friday. I woke up with a strange random song in my head and then got another one stuck in there as I got in to work:

After that it only took 33 minutes to be rocketed back down to the misery of humanity that presents itself through my work. I had to listen to a few phone calls about a Domestic Abuse… I can’t imagine!! After hearing the event happening live over the phone… how you go from “Oh my God, he’s going to kill me. Please send someone.” to “I’m not afraid of him, I love him, and I need him around to help take care of the kids.” within 24 hours seems… mind-boggling.

Then I got to read a report about a mother who the County has been trying to help through a Meth Addiction so she can get her kids back… we thought things were going okay… but last night she had (literally) screwed/nailed her doors and windows shut to make it more difficult for the police to enter the house after she had begun a suicide attempt. Once officers arrived, they realized also that she was continuing her illicit relationship with a known Meth-Addict who was arrested shortly thereafter after trying to break into someone else’s property while in possession of Methamphetamine.
I tell you, this Meth shit is the Source of Evil for my little community. Crime would be… downright mundane but for Meth!

So… that was the first 40 minutes of my work day.
Horrible, scream-filled 911 call review.
Horrible, background scream-filled 911 call review.
Notification of a mother trying to commit suicide because she couldn’t figure out how to (1) get her kids back while (2) keeping her man in her life because of (3) Meth.

At least the insanity of my profession can sometimes give me upsides.
The following is a report from KCCI News in Iowa
A Des Moines attorney is unveiling her life as a part-time prostitute. The mom, wife, attorney and prostitute, Katherine Sears, hopes that by shining a light on her lifestyle, she can help decriminalize prostitution. (Full Story Here)

UGH. RARGH. FRAK. Then my morning involved more of the human misery perspective. Domestic Violence Victim comes in worried because the violent one is her father but her father seems to be getting worse and worse, more paranoid and more violent. I’ll be honest, I immediately began to wonder “Has he been checked for dementia?” Because I had that call yesterday. Man with early onset dementia is starting to think that his family is out to get him so he accuses them of wild things and when they deny, he gets violent. In the yesterday case? Of course the diagnosis doesn’t come with any form of assistance. Iowa made damned sure to neuter the Medicare costs and peel back as much of the Affordable Care Act as possible not to mention the aggressive sacking of our mental health facilities and programs. After dealing with that Domestic Violence Victim (who, honestly, seemed more like she wanted to talk to a counselor but couldn’t afford it, so she comes to us instead), I had court.

Court was mostly okay…? But there was one dude who… fuckin’. VNCO cases bother me intensely. That is short hand for Violation of a No Contact Order. Some VNCOs are dumb. They are “I was at the grocery store and my attacker was there too and I was so upset!” Well… especially in a small town, he’s going to need to buy groceries at some point, too. If he didn’t make contact with you, see you, or stare at you… it is really difficult to call that a no contact order violation. BUT SOMETIMES the facts of the violation are so egregious that the only reason a Defendant would demand that it go to trial is so that they could see their victim again. It is a situation of “This man is so psychotically obsessed with you that he broke the court order saying to stay away. In order to get him into trouble for that, the court has accepted his demand to see you again to prove that he saw you despite a court order saying he couldn’t see you.” See the ridiculousness yet? I wish we could make it so that the Victim didn’t have to see her stalker in those kinds of circumstances (and some places have succeeded in their legal battles about that) but… the Constitution does have a “confrontation clause” so some courts have ruled that all witnesses must appear before the defendant to testify. And this case is definitely one of those. CLEAR no contact order in place, defendant goes to victim’s WORK PLACE and threatens her to her face. Yeah, pretty sure that violates the no contact order!

Meanwhile, despite the fact that a majority of Americans support “common sense gun reform” and the fact that just going to the store now has a significant enough mortality rate to be counted on graphs… Iowa Senator Joni Ernst continues to declare that she will not and will never “break with the NRA” as they are a “stable institution preserving the rights of law abiding Americans.” Except… they really aren’t. They are an institution that attempts to get Gun Manufacturers the most revenue possible. But Joni knows all about that as she typically accepts around $3 million or more each campaign cycle from the NRA directly.

So… yeah. That’s where I live. My community is overrun by Meth Addicts and Alcoholics who think being a lawyer is “uppity”. Meanwhile, the place where I grew up is seeing a dramatic spike in Murders and even married attorneys are being prostitutes. And the State at large is totally okay with a world full of violence and mess so long as they don’t have to invest in Mental Health Care or go against the NRA!

???

And I… well… yeah. Allow me to sit here in a huff. I know comparison is the thief of joy and we can only ever live the lives we’ve been given. But at the same time… there’s something to be said for the bullshit. People are always quick to say, “If you get divorced, you’ll find somebody” but the truth is… that isn’t true.
Confession Time that will make all of you Hate Me:
I have a non-paid Bumble Account. I figure if my Wife won’t say “I love you” and if my Wife won’t have sex with me… and since there IS a countdown clock… I’m within my rights to see exactly how bad/good the market could be. I have pictures of myself up and the following information:
Childhood Celebrity Crush: Daniel Fishel, Tiffany Amber-Theisen, and Jodie Sweetin
Nightclubs or Netflix: Netflix because I love movies; but Nightclubs definitely have their value.
We’ll get along if: You can work out with me, enjoy cartoons and video games, and like to have interesting conversations
About Me: I am a fairly busy Government Attorney in a small community but I grew up in the big city. Very new to online dating and currently UnPaid Account. I like to spend time with family and friends and I enjoy reading, writing, Comic Books, Movies, Anime, and Video Games. Always up for adventure!!
Stats: Graduated Creighton Law 2014, Male, 5‘7, Exercise Sometimes, Education Level Graduate Degree, Drinking Socially, Smoking Never, Pets Dogs, Kids Want Someday, Christian and Liberal.
Search Parameters: Females within 85 miles in the age range of 25 to 39.

I’ve had zero hits. Zero conversations. Zero communications. Zero likes. So… yeah. AFTER you get enraged and leave me 8 dozen notes calling me the scum of humanity for being on a dating site… embrace the reality there. After a marriage of 8 years where sex has been more rare than the Perseid Meteor Shower; I go to one of the few Dating Sites where I respect the model. Bumble helps to protect women from Dick Pics and Unsolicited Spam Pick Up Lines. So I go there and try to see what the “pool” really would be like if I were actively searching for someone in a radius that includes 9 of the biggest cities in Iowa and parts of Southern Minnesota. And the “pool”? Has no interest.

Now, that doesn’t CHANGE the discussion I’m going to have with my wife this weekend… but it is a huge gut punch to me.
The conversation I’ll be having with my wife goes something like this:

“I’m still trying to find an individual therapist that can work with my schedule. But the truth is, that therapist is going to help me with my shortcomings. My confidence, my assertiveness, my independence. As far as how that impacts our relationship? It isn’t going to make me want to hear ‘I love you’ any less. It isn’t going to make me want a sexual relationship any less. It is going to make more stronger and more confident to say, ‘If my needs aren’t being met, I should seek divorce.” So as I continue to look for an individual therapist, you need to be aware of that. This isn’t one of those “Chris gets counseling and understands to live with the situation.” This is “Chris gets counseling and gets the strength to leave.” THAT is what we’re talking about. And if that isn’t what you want to have happen, then we need to address this absence of “I love you” and “complete disregard for my sexual needs.” NOW… if we were having sex every week and I was still like this? Maybe the counseling would be about “compassionate compromises.” But that isn’t where we are. We are in a relationship where our baseline recurring almost constant standard… is room mates. And Krstyna telling us that “A focus we need to try is Chris, don’t always rush in to save the marriage. Kind of lean back and see what happens.” That exact statement was our Couple’s Counselor saying, “If Wife wants this relationship to work, she’ll work to meet your needs.” And obviously, as discussed, the Anxious Attachment makes me freaked that you won’t work to meet my needs… but that isn’t irrational or illogical. The history of our relationship and the present of our relationship involves a lot of you knowing my needs and those needs… just being left out in the cold. So… yeah. When we go to counseling next week, I’m going to ask her for tips to help you start taking baby steps there. Because if you want this marriage to work, which it really seems like you do, then we can’t just continue with this cycle of “Needs Being Ignored, Chris Gets Upset Enough to Seriously Contemplate Divorce, Wife Convinces Him to Stay, Needs Being Ignored”. I’m done with that circle. Sustainable, consistent, relationship change. Whether that means we start to function better as a couple, or we need to call it quits. SUSTAINABLE relationship change.”

So that’s this weekend’s topic of discussion. But knowing I’m about as attractive in my area as a Pork Rib Banquet in a Vegan Event doesn’t help my confidence or sense of self much.