Addendum in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019
- Aug. 23, 2019, 2:32 p.m.
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I’m not looking for praise or a pat on the back or anything but there seems to be a problem in this world that even I may be a victim of.
During my wedding vows, when I looked at my beautiful bride and stared into her eyes… I was saying “I” to her at that moment “d” to her as I could imagine her in 30 years and “o” to her as I could imagine her in 60 years. Because the “I do” wasn’t just to “the hot 31 year old in front of me” it was to the woman who lives in that body. Yeah, she was super hot as a teenager, and I didn’t know her then. She was hot in her 20s when I met her. She’s beautiful in her 30s. But the appearance isn’t spittingly identical decade to decade. Like I look at the picture below and think “You’ve got to take it into account. You may be marrying Rita Hayworth but eventually she may look like Paul McCartney. If you give up on your marriage for something like that, you shouldn’t have gotten married in the first place.
Of course… this dedication to marriage may end up biting me in the ass as a divorce seems likely… looming in the near future.... but yeah. When I said “I do” I meant forever… and seeing what that has cost and where I am now… I don’t know how to feel about that.
Purple Dawn ⋅ August 23, 2019
Are you psyching yourself up for what you feel is the inevitable? Divorce sucks, but trust me, it's not the end of the world. I'd much rather be alone than in a relationship where I don't have an actual partner. But that's jmo.
Take care, you've put a lot of effort into this. I'm sure you'll put more into a final decision.
D.
stargazing ⋅ August 23, 2019
I think most people take their vows seriously, and to undo those vows has taken a lot of careful thought and consideration. But I don't believe that because you took a vow that means you have to be in a miserable marriage. You've told her what you need, and it isn't unreasonable. You've gone to counseling. You've done all that you can to change the circumstances, and her inaction has shown me that she is unable to try to meet your needs. Life is too short.
AppleGirl ⋅ August 23, 2019
I think you've suffered long enough. If the idea that "divorce isn't Christian" is what is holding you back -- this marriage you are in is nothing like God intended marriage to be. If the idea that you're "giving up" is what is holding you back -- just re-read most of your diary, years and years of trying...you're not giving up. And if the potential for loneliness is what's holding you back - you are ALREADY lonely. And there very well may be loneliness in your future, but not forever. During that lonely time, work on improving you.