P.R.F. Prosebox 8/13/2019 in Book Six: Trying to Hold On 2019

Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening; you’re joining us here at P.R.F. Prosebox this entry being put forth on Tuesday, August Thirteenth, Two Thousand Nineteen. How do you like them apples? lol. Today was supposed to be cah-rayzee. My boss had two trials lined up so that if one trial settled, he’d still be in court on the other trial. So I was anticipating covering for him in his other hearings. That means that I would have had 12 hearings today and been in court from 9 a.m. until 3 p.m. Last night at home my boss calls me to tell me that his trials were taken care of so I don’t need to cover for him. Dropping me from 12 hearings and 6 hours in court to 2 hearings and 45 minutes in court. I am relieved. That means that I’m not running around like a chicken with my head cut off! But it is funny how perspective can change things. This morning, driving to work, I considered what all of that would have meant 80 weeks ago. In this environment, it means that I don’t have to kill myself running around. In the old environment, that would have meant 10 hours of much needed billable hours are gone. There are dozens of reasons to be thrilled that I got out of that firm and out of private practice… and it is good (and important) to acknowledge the ways in which I am in a far better place now. True… I had to move away from an excellent city. Des Moines had my friends, my family, my history, and (perhaps) the largest collection of culturally and socially influential activities in the state. But I didn’t move back to a “Tiny Town”… at least, it isn’t that and has not yet become that. So… lost an A+ City but didn’t have to fall back to a D- City. And the job is certainly better in so so many ways. MORE than double the pay, more than double the staff, no direct clients, and working with fellow Iowans who understand that our cultural heritage is Iowa Nice. As dark as some of the shit that I deal with here is, and it is, it is important to appreciate where I’ve come from.

Random Statement: It is Iowa State Fair time once again and, as someone who grew up in Des Moines- I am not often tripping over myself to get back to the Fair every year. In fact, it has been a while since I last visited. But if you’ve never been, never heard of it? You should read this article from the Washington Post about it.

I will say this, though. Spending several days gearing up for a big day in court that has now not happened… leaves me feeling kind of weird. Like… I was mentally and emotionally prepared for a day of getting slammed and now… I’m kind of… just waiting. It’s… very different. I actually catch myself thinking, Okay, now what?

In other news, CNN is running a “story” about how Trump “gets sick of everyone” based on an interview with The Mooch. And I find myself once again saying, as I often have at his supporters, HOW IS ANY OF THIS A SURPRISE?! Trump is chaotic and unpredictable in his actions because he is a Chaotic, Inconsistent Person, Who Demands 100% Loyalty At All Times While Showing None. I’m pretty sure I wrote that exact phrase before the 2016 election. And that is what continually surprises and upsets me in this world in America. Trump has NEVER hidden who he is. He’s proud of it. He’s a conman that knows his greatest skill is getting people to believe IN him without having anything to back that up. I mean… is Trump a racist? How do you define it? Because Trump had to be sued by New York to let Black People live in his buildings and he started his campaign by calling Mexicans rapists and he continues his presidency by trying to punish even LEGAL immigrants AND US Citizens of brown skin tone. Is Trump a compulsive liar? Maybe, but it is agreed pretty widely that it is hard to use that term on him because we actually don’t know if he knows what the truth is. Is he willing to burn everything down to protect himself and his family? You better believe it. So I’m honestly kind of stuck with this “How are people surprised by his bullshit?” position. But what will really horrify me? What will pierce my heart with the contradictory sensations of cold disconnection and white hot rage? If Trump wins in 2020. If, after gutting all Environmental Protections so his rich friends can make more money while burning this planet… if, after continually receiving the endorsement of White Nationalists and being quoted directly in their manifestos and meetings… if, after tanking the majority of the economy but paying off his richest friends with a trillion dollar deficit… if, after constantly siding with our enemies AGAINST OUR OWN INTELLIGENCE BUREAUS… if, after sucking up to our enemies and attacking our allies… if, after (and this was confirmed and proven) giving Russian Agents confidential information about Israeli anti-terrorism operations… if, after the Special Counsel expressly stated that the President did collude but did not conspire with the Russian Attack on Democracy… if, after EVERY expert says “Russia hacked our election” and he still says “Maybe, but everybody did”… if, after all warnings say to protect the 2020 elections and Trump still refuses to do anything… if after ALL OF THAT the United States still votes Trump 2020? I am not exaggerating: I will have lost ALL faith in this country. I will quite literally mourn the loss of a sane and responsible United States of America. And frankly? I don’t want to do that.

Bah. I’ve got time on my hands and a brain working a mile a minute on nothing of importance. I’m going to steal a long survey, fill it out, then post this.

Did your parents live in a different country before you were born?
Never lived in a different country but my parents had traveled before I was born. Europe and Canada mostly

Do you have a preferred coffee brand?
I don’t drink coffee much, but if I had to answer I’d say a cold super awesome sweet thing from a local coffee haus in Des Moines

Do you have to wear an identification badge at your job?
I don’t have to, my boss doesn’t; but we do HAVE them, so I always do. If the taxpayers’ money was used to provide us ID Badges, it is only appropriate that I wear it.

Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money?
Almost definitely, but I don’t consider “financial responsibility” in a relationship until we discuss joining accounts, which I’ve only ever done with my wife. And she’s a lot more frugal than I am! We needed chairs for our basement dining room table. She would not get chairs at all until she found a deal that she thought was acceptable. We finally got chairs when she found a deal of 6 Chairs for $100 bucks total, free shipping.

If so, how did it affect the relationship?
Wife’s frugality can sometimes be stressing but I acknowledge that it is also super helpful.

How often do you paint your nails?
I used to do it maybe once a month in High School but have not done it since

Do you know anyone who’s related to a current or former world leader?
Not a world leader, per se, but my Great Uncle was an official government liaison between the United States and Bermuda.

Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional?
I used to do them myself but these days we begrudgingly use a professional. By the way, here’s a little inside government information… The government could 100% save people time and money by sending you a Tax Bill every year, because they do know how much you owe; but this will never happen as the Professional Tax Prep Services have a lobbying arm that spends MILLIONS to keep the government from using that system of tax notification.

What is something you don’t have any natural talent for?
Physical artwork of any kind. Photography, drawing, sculpting… if it is artistic and you can hold it in your hands, put it in a gallery, or hang it on a wall- I got nothing for you.

Did you watch this year’s Eurovision?
I don’t watch the Eurovision broadcast, but I do often catch highlights and Winners on YouTube afterwards

Have there been any periods in your life that could be described as being chaotic?
Traditionally, most years that end in an odd number. Some of them that end in even numbers, too.

What was the last thing you purchased?
Gatorade No Sugar

Do you have hair on your toes?
Yes, just a little at the toe knuckle

Do you usually befriend your coworkers, or do you prefer to keep work
separate from your personal life?
I’m jovial but I prefer a separation

What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money?
I would have to use my own money for any toy or electronic my parents didn’t approve of (which was most of them). So I saved and bought Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles and any video game system I’ve owned (with the exception of my N64 which my wife got me for Christmas)

Describe your favorite Christmas ornament
It’s a white ball that looks like a big onion and around the side it has a child’s train and each car has information about my First Christmas in 1984.

What is something you frequently forget?
I frequently forget many things. People who interact with me would mistakenly be shocked to discover that I, too, experience Fibro Fog.

If I looked in your fridge right now, what would I find?
Not much. Check the freezer. That thing’s packed right now.

How do you feel about your body?
I am 60 pounds heavier than I want to be; my nose hurts from an external zit and an internal ulcer, plus the back of my right foot has been in fairly frequent pain for the last month or so

If you had to move to a new city, where would you move?
Seattle

Have you ever traveled on a double-decker train?
I have not

At what point do you consider a relationship to be ‘long-term?’
I have only ever had three relationships that lasted more than 3 months. One was long distance and lasted 8 months. One was a nightmare of abuse that lasted 8 months. And the other is my marriage which has lasted 14 years so far.

What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up?
My mother was a music teacher before her retirement and my father was a Food Broker VP Specializing in Non-Foods before he retired

Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired?
Retired.

Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan?
My wife and I have a shared plan

Do you have any recurring dreams?
I used to have recurring dreams a LOT but that has ceased since working in a more calming and positive environment

Have you ever had to call 911? Why?
I did call 911 once. I should have called more often on psycho-ex, but after we had broken up (meaning, she’d already tried to kill me twice and rape me once) she called the house and told me that she’d describe her last moments to me as she killed herself so that I would never forget what I’d done to her. I hung up the phone, called 911. Whether she really was going to kill herself or not; I figured the best way of indicating “I don’t care about you; but I’m not going to let you die” would be to handle the situation in as “cold and clinical” a way as I could.

Do you get out a lot?
Not really. Small Town Life and being the Prosecutor kind of keeps me a homebody

Do you eat a lot of vegetables?
Not NEARLY as many as I should!

Last fast food you ate?
Risotto. Wife makes it a lot because it is just throwing a bunch of shit into a pan and letting it cook.

Do you live in Canada?
No.

What do you think when you see two members of your preferred sex kissing?
I’ll be honest about this… sometimes I do feel a bit jealous. If there are two attractive girls kissing each other, I kind of feel like “Crap. Our side lost two good teammates.” Which… seems weird and offensive to think.

Is that hot?
Sometimes, it is. But I’ll be honest… it is only hot when the women are open and willing to experiment or allow a man in. Watching two women kiss can be “nice” for a visual stimulation but I always consider “lesbians don’t want men.” I like it much better if it is a 3-way consent because then nobody is feeling “put on display” for their sexuality and nobody is engaging in anything without consent. All genuinely important for me.

Would you ever want to be a chef?
NO. I wouldn’t mind being a better cook but being a chef that has to make Quality Food on a Time Schedule for Money… no no no no no no no

What time do you usually get to bed?
I try to start moseying to the bedroom at about 10:00 on weekdays. Doesn’t always result in sleep, more often than not it doesn’t. But better to struggle with sleep for a few hours and nod off at 1 or so as opposed to struggle with sleep for a few hours and nod off at 4 or 5!

Bonfires: Y/N?
Sometimes. It’s been a long while since I attended one and don’t have much experience to draw from.

What’s a food that’s famous in your hometown/state/country/etc?
Fried everything. Seriously! C’mon down to the State Fair and if you can imagine it, it is on a stick and/or fried.

What do you think about grammar nazis?
Sometimes they are correct, sometimes they are not. For example, there/their/they’re DOES make a contextual difference and it isn’t always easy to know from context which one someone is referring to. And as an attorney, I do have to say that the oxford comma matters a whole hell of a lot because (not kidding) supreme court precedent has come down to the placement of an oxford comma! SO IF THE SENTENCE NEEDS IT, USE IT. Other than that, “grammar nazis” are often people losing an argument and making pedantic points to inflate their ego.

Do you listen to punk music? Specifically what kind/bands?
I do listen to punk music, but I don’t go out of my way to select specific bands.

When’s that last time you saw snow?
In person… March or April. Unless you count Hawaiian mountain tops that I saw from a great distance away.

Do you have a hipster blog on Tumblr? If not, what do you think about them?
I don’t Tumblr, so I have no opinion.

Should people be judged on their sexual choices?
To a certain extent. If an individual constantly complains of feeling helpless in their life, but they love the Dom scene… you can reach conclusions about that individual. Judge doesn’t necessarily have to mean “I’m looking down on you” as the term means “to form an opinion or conclusion.” So… from that perspective, I think that an individual’s sexual choices can often say something about the person.

If you could eat Chinese food and pizza every day, would you?
Yes. But then… mostly because of the ease. Like… if you told me that you could give me a pill that would let me by my ideal weight forever and I would never have to eat again… I’d take that pill in an instant.

Does it bother you when people pronounce words differently than you?
Sometimes. I’m not Diamond Joe Quimby’s Nephew freaking out about the pronunciation of “chowder” but… I do get particularly miffed at Iowa pronunciations of towns. In Iowa we have Madrid, Delhi, Rowley, and a few other places that.... omg, you’re saying it wrong! In Iowa, they pronounce it as MAD-rid as opposed to MaDRID. They pronounce it DEL-HI as opposed to Deli, and they say Raleigh instead of ROW-LEE. STOP IT. lol

What’s something that you think will become obsolete in the next 50 years?
Rural Towns, sadly

Name 3 places you’ve lived.
Davenport, West Des Moines, Omaha

Name 3 places you want to live.
Hokaido Japan, Lisburn Ireland, Seattle Washington

Do you have any physical problems?
Chronic Pain, Glaucoma

Are you hungry or tired or both right now?
Not hungry yet but I will be by the end of the day. Almost always tired.

Are you efficient or do you procrastinate a lot?
A little of both, a little of neither.

Name 3 things you really like about yourself (not physical).
My need to communicate; my desire to make people at ease; my passion for justice

Name 3 things you hate about yourself (not physical).
My physical form… I know you said not physical but chronic pain that can be so extreme as to cause excessive emotional imbalance should not be ignored; my self-doubts; my twisted connection where I need other people but I’d rather not

Have you ever heard someone say they have ADHD, but you’re sure they don’t?
Yes. Though I don’t put my wife in this category. She may not be severe crippling adhd but she certainly has it as, when she’s missed meds or something occurs to make those meds ineffective… she’s a flighty, unfocused mess.

Street smart or book smart?
I have a reputation for being book smart, that I’m not entirely sure is all together earned. And I strongly prefer those with Book Smarts as there are some intellectual pursuits I find a must but… Street Smarts ABSOLUTELY have merit!

Tell me the colour of your eyes, without using the name of a colour:
Stool. Which is to say… poop.

Describe to me your perfect pizza:
Wheat Crust drizzled in honey and filled with cheese; tomato sauce mixed with Tabasco; sausage, pepperoni, bbq chicken, olives, and black peppers; mozzarella, cheddar, and pepper jack cheese.

What is your favourite time of day?
I hate waking up and on weekends I sleep through it… but morning. I love that the morning is quiet, full of promise. If, for example, I woke up refreshed (fat chance) on a Saturday… that would be amazing. I’d cuddle the dog, secretly cuddle the wife in her sleep, feed the dog, go out and play with her a little bit, make breakfast for Wife and I, then start in on Video Games or Reading.

Are you addicted to anything?
“I can resist everything but temptation” - Oscar Wilde

What is your third favourite colour?
Black… or Red… depending on my mood

If I were to buy you a drink from Starbucks, which one would you choose?
Caramel Ribbon Crunch Crème Frappuccino

Do you care what others think of you?
Typically. I need to be seen by the community as compassionate but capable; understanding but competent. My performance and how the community perceives me and my performance is directly tied in to my job.

How do you act when you’re drunk?
It depends on who is around and what is going on. If it is just me and good friends; I get more talkative and then suddenly narcoleptic. But often around my wife this last year, I get belligerent. Like… angry, rough, upset. Instead of, “Wife, it really upsets me that we don’t have sex anymore at all.” I’ll be “Hey! Wife! Remember that time we had sex? Yeah. ME NEITHER!”

Ever been through a Goth phase?
I tend to consider myself a closeted, restrained goth. Were I free to do so, I would still wear mostly black and wear guyliner

Do you own any blue clothing?
Funny you should ask as the shirt I am presently wearing could be said to be Blue. Or purple depending on the light and the refractive cones in your eyes

When you were younger, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I desperately wanted to be a professional actor. Barring that, a lawyer or detective.

If you didn’t have to attend work/school, what would you do instead?
I’ve had this experience. If I didn’t have to do anything particular but was still in all other ways in my current situation… I would exercise more, cook more, play with the dog more, read more, play video games more, and that’d be what I did.

What’s a trait in other people that tends to annoy you?
The inability to consider other perspectives. I appreciate that you have YOUR way and YOUR ideas and YOUR opinion… but if you are incapable of even attempting to understand how someone else might live, how someone else might think, how someone else might believe differently than you… THAT annoys me!

How would you dress, if you were the opposite sex?
Blouse, no tie, suit jacket cropped closer to my hip line, pencil skirt, dark nylons or leggings, and either business flats or modest heels.

Do you read books often?
I try to read but my job is so READ heavy that I really only ever get around to it if I have some quality down time away from everything

Which language sounds nicest?
I’ve heard almost all of them in my time and honestly have to say that I love the Japanese language best of all.

Do you ever think about how you used to act in the past, and then cringe?
I do more than cringe. On occasion, I have been known to be taken with a regretful memory so strongly that my entire body reacts as though Kronos himself was coming for me.

Do you honestly like all the music on your iPod?
Had I an ipod, maybe.

Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it?
It was a brick but not the way some people would remember. Despite my age, I didn’t receive a cellular telephone until the mid 2000s.

What color is your kitchen?
Cupboards are mostly white

What do you do to maintain your eyebrows?
Very little; but my wife does pluck them on occasion as we have a genetic trait in our eyebrows that sends some of the hair askew in noticeable and awkward ways

What was the naughtiest thing you did when you were a child?
Depends on which rubric we’re using when we say “child” and how we define “naughty”. I would likely say it was my tempertantrums when I would cry and scream; but considering my frequent illnesses and now-diagnosed pain, that may not be universal.

What, in your opinion, is the most thirst-quenching drink?
I’m a corporate shill bitch; I have to go with Gatorade.

Do you have a gas or an electric stove?
Electric… I think.

Who is your favorite character from ‘Alice in Wonderland’?
Hrmm… my BatVillains affinity requires me to say Mad Hatter; but I do also largely enjoy the Cheshire Cat

Name the closest body of water to where you live:
The Iowa River

How’s the love life?
Complicated. I think think that Wife is working more towards connection. But then… what does that look like for her? She talks to me more, I go out of my way to spend more time with her… but it doesn’t go the other way. What has been happening more lately is that I stay upstairs and watch TV with her. It isn’t we go out together, it isn’t she does stuff with me outside the house or in the basement, it isn’t saying “I love you”, it isn’t having sex… it’s just… life as usual with a little more communication and a little more of me spending time with her. So who the hell knows.

What is your favorite section at the supermarket?
Frozen section because usually it is the most comfortable for me… I tell you, I’m a veritable steam heater

What bands were famous in the decade you were born in?
ACDC, Queen, Def Leppard, Kiss, Mötley Crüe, Bon Jovi, Quiet Riot, Scorpions, Europe, Ratt, Twisted Sister, Poison, Dokken, Whitesnake, and Cinderella

What kind of thing do you like to cook?
I can cook meat fairly well and I dabble (poorly) with pastas

What do you like to put on toast?
Jelly, Cinnamon

When is the next time you will take a shower/bath? Which one will you take?
Likely a shower tonight or tomorrow morning

Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you?
Aren’t I always

As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland?
I went to DisneyWorld when I was 2 or 3 and remember nothing. BUT FOR having a stroller that was stolen and then being in miserable agony for the rest of the day due to the excessive walking(!) I went again in 1992(ish) and had a much better time; despite my cousin (the one we stayed with in Hawaii) quickly becoming obsessed with “Small World” and wanting to ride it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. Meanwhile, what my parents most remember from me on that trip was either (1) I had a crush on our Tour Guide for the Indiana Jones Ride and, as part of the ride, she gets kidnapped and Bad Guys take over the ride. My mother had to repeatedly tell me it was all part of the show and to stop trying to stand up and be a hero. (2) My father will likely remember that I was petrified and could not go on the Space Mountain Ride but on the last day before we left, I demanded to go back and ride it.

What state do you live in? What’s the best aspect about this state?
Iowa… we have Iowa Nice still in a lot of places which means that for the most part, we try to be friendly and accommodating. For the most part.

Are you someone who is really committed to politics in your area/country?
Not as much as I should be. I don’t go to rallies, I haven’t donated much money. I should (likely will) get a yard sign for my Caucus Candidate but… there is genuine concern of backlash. I’m in a deep Red part of Iowa and I work for the government AND that government is almost exclusively Red. So… there are things to consider.

When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any?
Like in a serious fight kind of way, probably back when I was living in Tiny Town, I’d wager.

Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you?
Yes, the majority of my case files involve abusive relationships. Am I… I don’t think so but it is tough to say. I certainly know that there are people that would say that I am in an abusive relationship due to withholding emotion, attention, and sex but… just because some say it is incorporeal abuse doesn’t necessarily mean it is abuse.

When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it?
I think it was a Booze Cruise at the Prosecutor’s Training Conference

Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today?
I’m going to try to encourage Wife to accompany Nala and I on a walk today, but that’s about it

Does your family ever have any kind of weird traditions in your house?
I am the enforcer of tradition in the house and would not call any of them weird, lol :)

When is the next time you will attend a family reunion? Where will it be?
Family Reunions are tricky. We don’t consider them reunions unless both Kenton Sr. and Randall Thomas Jr.’s families are present and as that side of the family continues to grow, it becomes harder to coordinate

What would you consider your favorite movie from a different decade?
Impossible question to answer. I appreciate the question because a movie should be understood in the context of its decade… for example, there are some things that have become so common place now that to see where it started would be laughable. Space Odyssey is an amazing movie but if you’re watching it from a 2019 perspective, it is also boring as fuck. ChinaTown is a brilliant film but from a modern perspective; not only would the ending be telegraphed and hackey, but the movie wouldn’t have been made as it relies on Roman Polanski (noted child molester) making a movie where children are getting molested and nothing bad happens to the molester!

Do you ever take bubble baths only to relax yourself in some way?
Uhm, hell yes. My body is always so tightly wound and stressed to fuck that a good bubble bath can be just the ticket for calming that shit down.

Do you have any friends who act like they don’t know you in public?
Not at all; but then I don’t have any friends in the County where I work so… that might change things

When was the last time you sick? What were you sick with and why?
I had that terrible awful cold that resulted in my vomiting due to post nasal drip a while back. That was awful.

Do you ever tend to pull off any random acts of kindness in public?
Occasionally but nothing that ever really matters in the long run

Do the things you do normally have to have reasons behind them, or not?
I would much prefer that there was reason behind my action

What was the last job you had? Why are you not working that job anymore?
HA! Chinese Firm. Because it was the definition of toxic.

Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal?
I’m not overly fond of cereal. Special K Red Berries would be my go to

Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much?
When I attended school, there were many attractive men and many attractive women

Do you like to watch gay guys’ fashion do’s & dont’s videos on YouTube?
No, not really. Sometimes I’ll watch Stacy London because I think she’s fabulous but I’m not trolling YouTube for fashion advice

What is the most visited website on your internet at this moment in time?
Prosebox, without question! Followed by Facebook and Iowa Courts EFile.

What kind of cell phone do you have? (ex/ flip, slider, or traditional.)
Samsung… 10… thing… something. I’m not… super tech motivated in my life, lol

Do you like riding roller coasters when you go to any amusement park?
I was just talking to Wife about this. She really sincerely wants to still ride rollercoasters. I am very okay with my body now being a bit more rollercoaster avoidant.

Are you waiting for someone to get online on an IM program right now?
No, but I remember those days CLEARLY! Had I been more honest, my parents more aware, or the science more advanced… all of that shit would have been GIANT SIGNAL about Anxious Attachment!!

What would you consider the stupidest movie you’ve ever watched, ever?
The fourth Harry Potter movie. It’s the one that really cemented the idea that the books would Puma Man. It’s a toss up, I’m a huge Mystery Science Theater/Rifftrax/FilmCrew fan so I’ve seen a LOT of stupid movies.... but for my money AT THIS MOMENT, I’d say Puma Man.

Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other to talk to?
Not at the moment. Because she never talks to anyone else. Seriously. I wish she would make friends or something. BUT I WILL ADMIT… once she starts going back to school… if she comes home and goes on and on and on about a particular boy in her classes… I’ll be worried. Because our relationship right now is not in a place where “a charming new man” could be survived. Not that I know Wife would be unfaithful but… our relationship isn’t great right now and she does have a history of “moving on to another guy” if her relationship is failing.

Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out?
I have never forgotten my OWN birthday but I do sometimes forget OTHERS

When was the last time you held up a peace sign, if you’ve ever done that?
As an actual sign, never. As a finger gesture for pictures or what not… years ago.

Would you walk ten miles just to see the person you like or love?
As a general statement, yes. As a more pointed statement, there would be conditional remarks and safety equipment that would need to be discussed first.

What, in your mind, would you consider to be the perfect boyfriend?
I don’t think there is a perfect match nor should there be. I just would like someone who would meet most if not all of these bare minimum standards. Now, that is from the perspective of a black woman; but the ideas are similar.

What is one thing most all guys do that tends to make you angry a lot?
Men piss me off by behaving as though THEIR experiences should be seen as the default. Women piss me off by behaving as though THEIR opinions are above reproach.

Would you beat up anyone at the moment, if you absolutely had the chance?
Nah, I’m not inherently a violent physical guy. Now, if I could discretely hire someone to beat someone up for me.... that would be different.

What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment?
We have Venetian Blinds in our bedroom that are white

Who last told a lie on you? Did anyone catch them? What happened?
Defendants tell lies on me ALL the time. “This man is out to get me personally!” Nope. Never heard of you. “This man said that I would be free to go!” We’ve… never spoken.

What would you consider the best kind of food you, yourself, could make?
I do an acceptable Lasagna.... maybe

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why?
That would be antithetical to my occupation, lol

Are you one of those people who don’t like children of any kind at all?
Not at all. Kids can be great. But anything that doesn’t try to understand others upsets me and children can very much fit in this category

If you have a television in your room, what color is it? What brand?
Black… something. I think Wife brought it with her into the relationship from Wal Mart.

When is the next time you’ll eat out and what do you think you’ll get?
I might stop by a gas station to get a nosh like chips or something on my way home since I didn’t eat lunch

Are you planning on going anywhere today? Where are you going exactly?
After work, I shall drive home, take a walk around my town, and hopefully play video games transporting me to the Nether Realm or Pandora.

When was the last time you rode a horse, if you’ve ever ridden one?
It’s been a long while. Probably since just after Law School in 2014

Are you plotting anything at the moment? If so, is this plot against anyone?
Always. Always plotting.

Do you hate it when people show public displays of affection in your face?
If it is being done spitefully, then yeah- dick move. But if people are showing each other affection and saying “devil may care” to the fact that it is public… I get a little envious but that’s all.

Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend?
In my entire life… yes. Because one girlfriend became a hard partyer and I attributed that to a specific person influencing her. And then when Aku cheated on me with one of her friends, yes, that one too. But in my current relationship, no. The opposite. I wish she’d make friends, have a life outside of watching TV, playing Cell Phone Games, and keeping to herself.

If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you?
Neither of us are living with our parents

Do you ever actually like going to Wal-Mart or is it regularly boring?
I despise going to Wal Mart. I’ve avoided it as much as I can which is unfortunate because I’d like to boycott them on their recent “Take down Video Game Advertising but still sell Guns” response to Mass Shootings. But of course, boycotting a place you don’t use anyway has no practical effect.

Do you have an iPod? What kind is it? iTouch, Nano, Classic, etc.
I… used to own an iPod that might still be somewhere in the house. Got it for law school and never used it.

Do you own a computer that is a Mac or a PC? Why is this?
A PC, because I’m not artistic and only need a usable portal to Chrome

Do you own any scarves? How many would you estimate yourself to have?
Yes, I believe I have 2 scarves for function and not fashion. Winters are REAL here and scarves have purpose

What kind of shoes are you planning on wearing today? Why is this?
I have A pair of black work shoes

Do you think it’s weird that some people actually shave their arms?
Not at all. I think, grand scheme of things, we shouldn’t care one way or the other. One of the most attractive women I knew had semi-harry arms.

Do you know anyone who has or has had any kind of mental illness/disorder?
Yes, I’d say that almost everyone I’m close with suffers from some form of mental illness or disorder

Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go?
This has got to be a joke, lol. We used to go to the Movie Store almost every week back in the 1990s.

Is your mother a stay-at-home mother or does she work somewhere?
She is retired.

What food would you just want to disappear off the face of the earth?
Corn Syrup. I know, sacrilege for an Iowan. We’re supposed to want to put corn in freaking everything.. but we have, and that’s the problem. Corn Syrup is less healthy in a lot of ways than what it is often replacing but it is EVERYWHERE because the government subsidizes and controls farming markets (to an extent) so food companies discovered cheap new ways of adding fake sugar and, non-conspiracy theory- Corn syrup has been a BIG part of the Country (and now the World’s) obesity epidemic.

Do movies with super heroes intrigue you in any way? Why is this?
Yeah. Because these movies can be done WELL if they are being done by people that CARE. Zack Snyder is just a douche. David S. Goyer is a mega douche. These things can be done well.

Do you watch those late-night talk shows? What’s the best part about them?
Not as much anymore, I would more when Craig Ferguson was on the air and Conan O’Brien was on NBC. These days, we’ll catch John Oliver when we can, Tivo Samantha Bee, watch YouTube reels of Seth Meyers and Stephen Colbert; that’s about it.

Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion?
I can be fairly musically sensitive in my emotions but typically the emotions direct which music I listen to, not vice versa.