boobies in Diary

Day 1 of the juice cleanse is nearly complete. I only have two more “glasses” of juice left (I drink out of disposable red plastic cups) until I meet the recommended amount to drink according to some yahoo who wrote an article on the internet somewhere. Although I have had to deal with stomach issues all day today and the day before, I have found it kind of fun to go blast it out every now and then in the bathroom. Pretty satisfying to hear that explosive sound. Haha. Kablam! Other than the stomach issues, though, I feel great, if a little weak every now and then. Slight mood swings, but nothing extreme. Just the usual withdrawal symptoms, except I haven’t felt this crazy uncomfortable feeling that I’ve felt in times past.

There is actually a pretty good song by Nice Peter and Derek Shelby Jones called Boobies. You should look it up on YouTube and take a listen. It’s a funny song only because of the word and a few of the lyrics. Otherwise, it’s serious business. The song is dedicated to one of the songwriter’s AP American History teachers who died from breast cancer when he was in high school.

I don’t know what to do with myself now that I’ve quit playing competitive Tetris. My thinking is I will play through a ROM of Dragon Quest V for the Super Famicom. That ought to occupy me for a week, I think.

In the next few days I’m going to sign up for health insurance and hopefully get in to see a psychiatrist. The main reason I quit smoking cannabis is because I want to get on the proper medication to treat whatever the hell is wrong with my brain. I think it’s anxiety related, but I might have ADHD or something too, or OCD. I don’t flip light switches on and off seven times like a relative of mine used to do when she was a kid, before she or her parents knew something was wrong, but I ain’t a doctor and I ain’t a psychiatrist so I’m not going to self-diagnose myself (too much).

And then what…figure out what job I want to work for the rest of my life. Also, I’m thinking of taking up songwriting again. I have NO clue what style of music I would write, other than to say I am strongly influenced by Trent Reznor and especially by Joe Ashton. Funny enough, Joe won a Nine Inch Nails remix contest some time ago. There are loads of other, less prominent influences, but those two are the first that come to mind. The name Joe looks really weird to me. Joe. JOE. Eh, maybe it’s just me.

Also writing prose again…I want to get back into that, start doing that again. But I don’t know what to write. I have nearly a novel in its first draft form, but my writing on that project has been some here, some there, some five years later…so I don’t know how to handle that. Of course I have an attachment to the writing, especially to the characters themselves. If I stop and just think about one of my characters, I feel emotional almost to the point of tears. And then I think, I NEED to finish this so I can throw it in the trash and rewrite it right. There is a lot of good stuff in there, and a lot of “bad” stuff. The writing is me, and I am my words, so the thought of just trashing it and giving up and starting something different makes me feel sorrowful for my characters. It’s so stupid. Geez Louise. I just looked it up and I’m halfway through chapter 24. How dumb. I didn’t even know I’d left it like that.

So there’s that. I guess that’s all for now. Take care.

~Lain