What the hairball in Diary

One of my birds just said that to me while I was trying to think of a title. He is in the other room chewing on a cardboard box. My other bird is in the closet working on a nest for her “eggies”. I am here in front of my computer in the basement writing because I can’t think of anything else to do for two hours before I take my birds upstairs and put them in their cages for four hours.

There are a few things I need to take care of this afternoon. My dad and I are going out to the house to do some cleaning and organizing.

Honestly, I don’t even know what to write, where to start. My life has been a mess for a long time, since before I lost my last job. Not completely out of control, but I haven’t been taking care of myself properly. The day to day parts of life are just a blur. I don’t know who I am anymore, or what I truly want out of life.

My birds are my life, for sure, but aside from taking care of them I don’t know what I’m doing. In the not too distant future (somewhere in time and space) I am going to go see a psychiatrist and hopefully figure out some medication that will help me with anxiety and certain things I’ve been struggling with. Right now I am on something I don’t even know what it is, but it has helped somewhat since I started taking it a couple months ago.

I have the hardest time sticking with things these days. Like I can’t concentrate hard enough, almost. Even when it comes to gaming, let alone reading. I feel lost and wandering. Not all the time.

Tomorrow I need to take care of cleaning the bird cages upstairs. That will feel great to have that done. They are such a mess right now.

I don’t know how much of a smoker I am, but I am a smoker now and have been one for about two months. Not a smoker of weed. :) That’s been more like 20 years, off and on. But of tobacco. It’s weird. But I’ve gone through phases like this before. I plan on quitting in one to two months. If I’m addicted, I’ll get the gum like I did before. Well, all this talk of smoking....

~Lain