1.) We will open up a shop that sells you specific insults to snap back at your naysayers and we will call it DETRACTOR SUPPLY.
2.) Why did we call it a “flat top” when we could be calling it “cubic hair”?
3.) I kind of want a bumper sticker that says “DON’T BE A CAN’TDICE CAMERON, BE A CANDICE CAMERON!”
4.) What do we want? TIME TRAVEL! When do we want it? LAST WEEK!
5.) The old HBO “fading up from static” production card won’t make sense to kids born into the digital age. It’s all just blue screen or picture now. Is something lost? I’ve no idea.
6.) We celebrated the opening of the new Primate House at the zoo by giving them knives and letting them attack the humans. It was a wonderful gibbon cutting ceremony.
7.) Once you let Wal Mart into your town to kill all your small businesses, no amount of strategy is gonna save you after that. It’s like how you have to invite a vampire for it to enter but once you invite it, its gonna suck.
8.) The whole premise of the band Rush sounds like a failed game of Mad Libs. “Smugly overly technically showy… vaguely science-fiction-y… arena rock… by Canadian… libertarians.”