I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I just want to throw a tantrum over every little thing. All the negative thoughts that I push away are trying to creep in and become an obsession. I do not want to let my demons win today. I will not let them win today.
I’ve had a cold for a few days now. The last time that I had a cold I broke out into shingles so I am taking it easy this time. I’ve been feeling so anxious that I decided to put on FVIII and get lost in that world for a couple of days. I just want to go for a run so bad so I can remain 12 steps ahead of my anxiety but I can’t. The weather has also been scorching hot, Winnipeg’s version of it anyway, so one can only go for a run in the morning or evening. I can’t bring myself to wake up early enough. My roommates have the AC on blast generating arctic living conditions in my space in the basement. I just can’t warm up. Maybe I will throw on my headphones and go lay in the sun this afternoon.
This is the entry that I wish I could write:
Today I woke up without hitting snooze and I actually made it to my first CrossFit class this morning. I feel so empowered and confident now. I checked the mail when I got back and I got rejected from the faculty that I wanted but now I know what I need to do to get accepted next time that I apply. I will go back to adult ed and work hard on getting the credits that I need. Everything happens for a reason so I am not letting this crush my dreams. I also have a job interview today and I am feeling pretty confident about it. I know that I will knock the interview out of the park. I’m nervous about starting something new but if it doesn’t work then that’s ok. There are other job opportunities for me. I at least got that experience. Anyways, Toni and I are going to check out a place tomorrow. I can’t wait to move. Also, I finally woke up looking like an Instagram model. Maybe I will win an Intagrammy for the best selfie. I better thank Facetune in my acceptance speech. I can’t believe society will finally love me for looking hot. I don’t even know what to do with all this self-esteem. New word: flawful. That moment when somebody you meet in person looks nothing like they do online because of all that photoshop.
lol I got carried away at the end of that one. Blah! I’m just gonna put on some music and handle things.
Last updated July 11, 2019