I was experiencing extremely high anxiety yesterday when Bev drove my little bubble butt to the university. When we got to our destination I sat outside that office for a bit to collect myself. My hands and legs were just shaking. I didn’t show how nervous I was but I needed to catch my breath because my mind was going a mile a minute. I wanted to turn around and apply at every McDonald’s on the way home and just sling burgers for the rest of my life. I am so grateful that Bev was there to push me. She offered to go in with me but I didn’t want her to do that. All of the students that I saw on campus looked absolutely miserable. Almost all of them were still in their pyjamas. The energy there was so toxic. I opened my phone as if I was looking for some kind of sign to go in and I saw that the time was 11:11, my manifestation numbers so I took that as my cue. The young lady that worked the front desk was the most patient human being that I had ever dealt with in my life.
It took a while for her to grasp my situation and for me to understand it as well. I don’t know this world of post-secondary anymore. She called for backup, which was embarrassing, and she explained how I had graduated from high school a really long time ago and that I am now trying to get into a faculty. 14 years have passed since I was in school. That’s grades 1-12 plus kindergarten and nursery. I can’t believe that much time has gone by. I gave thirteen years of that time to a restaurant that fired me two months ago. Anyways, I now understand this world and what I am trying to get myself into a little better. The young lady that helped me out even showed me how to use the website to get my transcripts and to see how they match up with what I need to get into the faculty that I want. I was apparently at the wrong one, Faculty of Science. She answered all of my questions anyway and gave me the right contact information for the faculty that I am aiming for, Faculty of Agriculture. The course that I want is called Human Nutritional Sciences so I assumed I was aiming for the science building. I am going to fail at university so hard. She warned me though they probably won’t help me because I have to be an actual student. This young lady was not obligated to help me at all but she did anyway. Like, thank you!
The woman that she called for backup explained to me that faculties don’t accept people on a mature student status anymore. I would have to apply for the faculty directly or apply for a first year to acquire the credits that I need to get into the faculty that I want. My friend told me that she did a first year at a different university and had her credits transferred to the one I am aiming for. I have quite a few options here and I just need to figure out what I want to do and how I want to do it. My grades from high school were not impressive one bit so I might stand a better chance doing a first year at a smaller university before I go for the HRS course that I want. I might have to go back and get better grades before I even do that. I have to figure this out soon man. The people that I dealt with assumed that I was aiming to get enrolled this September which is not at all what I want. I am still going to need time to fund all of this.
The academic advisors on the phone in that office had a small break from phone calls to gossip about how dumb the people are that they are dealing with. That is exactly what I assume people do right after they talk to me. Way to validate my social anxiety. So anyway, my anxiety is off and on and so I need to sort my life out before I have a nervous breakdown. I noticed that after two glasses of wine I get excited about everything so… I can become a drunk or I can explore taking medication for my anxiety and depression again. I will just feel defeated if I do that because I was so proud to have come off of them. Not that there is a stigma about it these days.
Anyways, I have a bit of a cold and I have some places to go and some people to see today before I have time to deal with this… future of mine lol.