*just keep swimming* in just testing

Singing along with boppy songs at home [or in the car] makes me feel better - doesn't solve any of the problems but nothing I'm dealing with is a quick fix.

The work issue is still going on but it basically boils down to someone angry at me for not agreeing with them. Simple as that. No agree to Disagree situation here - if I'm not with her, I'm against her and she's decided I don't exist.

For about 2 days I tried to apologize but basically apologizing for her hurt feelings, not for how I feel cause I haven't changed my mind on how I feel. And she doesn't want to hear it.

So I've basically given her what she wanted and act like she doesn't exist either. It's not a malicious kind of thing - we just say hi and bye in public, that's it. But I find it a shame cause we used to be friends.

Although I should have know that a person who has many enemies in this school would eventually have issues with me as well - and I'm HARD to have issues with cause I'm a people pleaser. She's working hard at NOT being my friend cause I'm totally open to being her friend again. I'm not mad at her - I just don't agree with her. I would get over it and go back to normal if she wanted to.

Maybe over time. But after all this we'll never be the same. I can't trust her.

Speaking of trust - Teach is another one I can't completely trust. This whole work issue - and even things that happened just today, I'd love to vent to her about cause she worked there so she understands. But I can't cause she has this grudge against the school that makes HER angry at situations that aren't even about her! She's just mad at the school for the sake of being mad.

She has too much time on her hands to dwell being unemployed. It's not healthy but I can't do anything about that.

As for my money issues. I recently got a 2013 statement from my credit card and it was really detailed and so I was able to see how far I've come. I've paid near $3000 on my credit card bill. It's just under $5000 now. Even though I still have a long way to go I've come a long way as well.

I could go through the statement and see where money was running through my fingers. Tolls and Gas was a big thing last winter when I was working at Panera. I don't spend half the amount I did on gas now and I don't pay ANY tolls.

In about 9 months [as long as it takes to bake a baby] I will be done with this credit card over my head. And then I will TREAT MYSELF to new glasses and facials and pedicures and new close and all the things I've done without for sooooo long. And of course it'll all be with REAL money - not fake credit card money.

And of course I'll contribute to the 'cruise fund' as well and hopefully 2015 will be our cruise vacation.

As for my refund - my situation is complicated. My husband is involved with his parents house. They took a loan out in his name [woth his permission] or a mortgage out in his name - SOMETHING, I DUNNO - but now his refund is tied to his parents and he gets a big refund cause he's involved in their house.

Me and my situation actually brought down what him and his family would get - I guess cause I'm not part of the house thing. I dunno EITHER WAY we decided to file separately for a bigger refund - which I will benefit in anyway cause Will said he'd kick some my way cause of my credit card debt but I wish my refund - on my own - was worth something.

Also what sucks is that usually my refund is just for me but with my credit card bill it's just gonna be sucked up into that and I don't really [immediately] benefit from it at all and it's sucky.

The good thing about me is that I'm managing my money well. I have enough for a few groceries and gas and all my necessary bills while always paying above the minimum for the credit card.

It just leaves no wiggle room for luxuries.

And my diet is stressing me out too cause when my scale broke during my period I just went wild and stopped entering calories into myfitnesspal.com and although today's my first day back on track I feel fat and ruined but I can't tell for sure cause I don't have a scale!!!

And I'm not buying another one cause I don't have the $$ SOOOO I'm stuck

Another nice thing is my 6 yr anniversary with WIll is coming up [this Saturday] and HE reminded ME.

6 years together but married 9 months. I don't expect we'll do anything big but he is home this weekend and we don't have any other plans so maybe we'll see a movie or something. Valentine's day just happened and he did very well for that holiday so I'm not trying to pump him for more gifts.

I mean, I love that he sent me flowers but I actually don't super care about flowers - I'm the kind that looks at em as dead plants that would look more beautiful alive in a garden. Destroying a beautiful flower doesn't exactly = I love you to me but I didn't go into that when he sent them. He was simply trying to be romantic - and compete with other boyfriends I guess. So I kinda actually hope he doesn't give me more flowers but it's rude to beat up his gift if he gets me more flowers.

So anyway - it's not all doom and gloom today.

just keep swimming