NVC... Does it Work? in Journal

  • June 5, 2019, 12:38 a.m.
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I read about NVC (Nonviolent Communication) as a resource in a natural parenting book. So I booked DH (bless him, even though he complained the WHOLE time, lol) and I for a beginners couples class.
All in all. It was okay. Somewhat of a waste of 6 hours of my life, to sit around on a nice day indoors with a bunch of weirdo’s (me included haha) and talk about feelings. It just had a bit of a self-centered and self aggrandizement feeling to it.
Possibly because… the entire workshop was centered around how to get someone to talk to you that doesn’t want to talk to you for some reason. But that’s not even useful.
Okay. Premise numero uno in the life of me; I don’t want you in my life if you don’t want to talk to me. quite simple.
So, as I sit there pondering what in the hell?, I realize yeah, okay… maybe for your boss. Or a really antisocial co-worker. Or your asshole neighbor that you can’t seem to get away from. ha. So maybe it would be beneficial. But it was a couples class…????
I watched the examples. I did the exercises. We were supposed to practice with strangers, which why do a couples class with strangers!?!?! IDK. Maybe I am cold and unfeeling. I just didn’t understand. I still don’t understand. I can’t even imagine how I could be affected emotionally the same way by how a complete stranger reacts to what I say as how my Husband reacts to what I say.
Anyway. That was the practice; with strangers. We aired a grievance about some particular happening and practiced responding to it in various ways… supposedly to experience how it felt to be responded to. Again. Complete Strangers. Is it just me or… does anyone else not give a flying fuck about what random people think, say or do? Besides the obvious direct affect scenario; I’d care if I was getting a death threat.
Continuing on.
I was awe-struck at one woman who volunteered to do it for the whole class. She got up and told her story, then we all made a guess about her feelings. Afterwards, she told us that she almost felt tears coming to her eyes because someone hit the nail on the head.
I’m like. But why?
WHY.
Because someone else understands- or made a pretty accurate guess about- how you felt? WHY is that meaningful? WHY do we care? I guess one possibility is that she is touched by the fact that we must care because we’re putting in the time and effort to make the guesses. That’s got to be it.
I felt embarrassed by the whole thing. Embarrassed because, it’s like we were just catering to or indulging ourselves like children. Like kindergarteners who haven’t learned not to hit or call names, and must be coddled like the emotionally immature creatures that they are.
At the end of all that. As if to totally invalidate everything we’d just worked through and learned… the instructor said that we have the responsibility for our own emotions and reactions.
No shit.
I think I learned more about communication from a freebie kindle book. Literally only a few hundred words long. And did I mention it was FREE? Called I Hear You, if any of y’all are interested.


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