Boundaries! in Phoenix

I am doing so good!

I went out tonight (Sunday) to one of the local watering holes, got white girl wasted, had a complete blast hanging out with a new friend I don’t see nearly enough and a friend/co-worker I’ve never gotten to hang out with outside of work, along with several other incredible humans that I love and who I’m pretty sure love me in return, or at least like me a little.

The above was written while white girl wasted at probably about 1:30am.

So, small confession. I’ve been talking to Meat Man again. Like, inevitably ran into him in the store, had a chat, it was kind of nice. Like old times. I threw it out there that we should grab a beer some time and we ended up hanging out a few days later. He told me he and the crazy girl were “on a break” and so he was “technically single and not cheating” by hanging out with me. It was awkward as fuck and I’m not going to get into exactly what happened, but it wasn’t pretty.

I get a call from him the next day and he says he told crazy girl that he was talking to and seeing me again. I’m like… what? Wait. Why? What? We hung out for like an hour, most of which was spent with him on the phone and not talking to me at all (because he’s… whatever, who does that?!) and he goes to the girl he’s been seeing, the girl who hates my guts, the girl who is the one who “needs a break” from him to work on her “mental health,” and tells her he’s talking to and “seeing” me again? What does that even fucking mean?! I didn’t talk to him all weekend until last night. He called me right as I was about to go out and I suggested he join me so we could talk (because I’d thought about it all weekend and I had some shit to say). He couldn’t, whatever, I had a fantastic night and came home drunk and he called me and, well.

I unleashed in a very mature, calm (albeit drunken), firm manner. I explained to him his own grossly toxic behavior in treating me like a toy to be picked up and tossed aside at his convenience and attempting to use me as a pawn to evoke some reaction out of crazy girl, to make her jealous or whatever. My life and who I choose to spend time with is not that bitch’s business. He had no right to treat me the way he did. I have value and I am worth more consideration than he’s shown me. And he would say, “I know…” and “I understand that, but…” and I cut him off, told him to stop trying to excuse his behavior. Just own it. I set some very clear boundaries and explained to him that I would have no issues with cutting him from my life completely if he crosses them again. I explained that I will be his friend, but that I will not tolerate toxicity in my life in any way, and if I were to feel at any point that he is being toxic to me, I will walk away. I don’t want to hear about that toxic bitch and I certainly don’t want to hear about how toxic she’s being to you. No more excuses, no more bullshit, and no more drama. If he can’t separate a relationship of any kind with me from whatever clusterfuck he has going on over there with her, then I’ll separate myself from him. I am done being his therapist, I am done being jerked around, I am done being a friend of convenience, only good to be around when he needs an ego boost. We don’t have any fun anymore! I’m done being around miserable people who won’t do anything to lift themselves from their own misery. It’s not my fucking job, dude.

He was left essentially speechless and I would be surprised to hear from him today. Or any time soon, really. It’s fine. He needs some self-reflection time, anyway.

I’ve never realized how important setting boundaries is, how powerful it can be. I mean like verbally setting boundaries with people. The simple fact of saying it out loud and how they react to it tells you just about everything you need to know about yourself and the person you’re setting a boundary with.